A wife went out last night and got really wasted. She woke up in the middle of the night next to some dude who was snoring and farting, so she knew she made it home OK!
Bob's back on the warpath again. He was up for making a sex movie last night, and all his wife did was suggest they should hold auditions for his part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “What the heck, I’ll soldier on!”
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.”
“That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
And my Favorite:
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
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Topic: A few jokes to pass the time: (Read 1227 times)