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[1abastarsmda]

I was on another forum and saw a thread something along these lines.  There were some pretty humorous stories to be told.  I thought this might be something some of us might want to share.

I guess I'll start...and if there's any interest in this thread, I have a feeling I'm going to be posting a lot of my old horror stories as they pop back into my head.

Okay, let's see.  I was in Glens Falls, NY working for 3 or 4 days and I met a very pretty girl at a bar on December 30th.  I asked her out for New Year's Eve.  I went to pick her up at her parents' house.  When I got to the door, her mother looked me up and down a few times, and turned her head and yelled, "I hope you took your birth control pill."  I was taken into the living room to meet dad.  He was laying on the couch watching TV with nothing but a pair of shorts on and unfortunately I noticed that he was hanging out of his shorts.  He had hair about half way down his back and some sort of long earring hangiing from one lobe.  All he said for his greeting was "Dude" and never actually looked up at me.  Anyway, she came out then, and wow, she was gorgeous and built.  I couldn't let the family scare me away from the rest of the evening.  We ended up having a great time which concluded at my hotel room (no more need be said there).  Well, I lived in Buffalo at the time and was back home for the weekend a few weeks later.  She called me.  Her parents had just dropped her off at the train station in Albany and she was on her way to move in with me.  I told her to hang out there for a few hours and call her parents when they got home, and have them come pick her back up.

There's a start.  Unfortunately, I've got a lot of these wierd dating fiascos in my history.  Anybody else want to share?

[LarryB]

 

[1abastarsmda]

What pics?  That was back in 1984, and the only camera I carried was an old black and white Polaroid that was issued at work and I usually was out of film.  I didn't pull that out for a drunken one night stand.

[LarryB]

Got a vision going in my head, sorry no that was a flashback

[1abastarsmda]

Got a vision going in my head, sorry no that was a flashback

I was back in Glens Falls just about this time last year.  I think if she still looked that good, I would have taken her with me this time around.  But, despite keeping my eyes open for her, I didn't happen to run into her.  I don't even remember her name and 24 years can make for some drastic changes.

[1abastarsmda]

Back in High School, I started to see someone on the side, besides the gal I had been dating for 4 years.  This new gal asked me to go to a family reunion with her at her grandmother's home.  Sure, why not?  As we got closer to Grandma's, I was getting worried, and then when we made that last turn to the dead end street that my girlfriend lived on, I was in a total panic.  I had to park in my girlfriend's driveway, as Grandma's house was directly across the street.  Believe it or not, I did not get caught.  They said they saw my car in their driveway, and couldn't figure out where I was.  I told them it must have been another car that looked like mine, and apparently they weren't curious enough to check the license plate.

[MUFFMAN]

Went on a blind date, even though I was going out with someone else at the time. Turned out the blind date was my then girlfriends older sister. Needless to say, I didn't have a girlfriend after that night.

[J-Carr]

In 1987 I Met a girl at a party at my house.  I thought she was dating my buddy, which made her off limits in my book.  So... Since I didn't need to impress her I said "Hi new girl.  I'm JC and I'm madly in love with you and want to father your children."  The followed by telling the room that we were going to the dorms to hunt women (used a feline term).  I was Young drunk and on the rebound after a failed engagement so I was not at my most suave in those days.  This chick thought I was funny and we ended up chatting later that night.

Two weeks later my foster brother had me stopped at the appartment of two girls, one of whome he was working on.  The other was the chick from my party.  I moved in with her that night.  Three days later we went out on a date.

For those that doubt the truth of this story you can ask the girl in April at the York GTG... Her name is Malinda and we've been married for over 20 years now.  My foster brother struck out with Malinda's room mate.  He did however end up marrying the room mate's younger sister.  They've been married fro 12 years.  We introduced the room mate to a buddy of mine one night 2 weeks before he left for basic training in the Air Farce.  He asked her to marry him on a phone call from basic training.  They've been married 21 years.

The moral of the story... I never say anything smart assed to a woman.  The chain of events can be catastrophic.

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[1abastarsmda]

In 1987 I Met a girl at a party at my house.  I thought she was dating my buddy, which made her off limits in my book.  So... Since I didn't need to impress her I said "Hi new girl.  I'm JC and I'm madly in love with you and want to father your children."  The followed by telling the room that we were going to the dorms to hunt women (used a feline term).  I was Young drunk and on the rebound after a failed engagement so I was not at my most suave in those days.  This chick thought I was funny and we ended up chatting later that night.

Two weeks later my foster brother had me stopped at the appartment of two girls, one of whome he was working on.  The other was the chick from my party.  I moved in with her that night.  Three days later we went out on a date.

For those that doubt the truth of this story you can ask the girl in April at the York GTG... Her name is Malinda and we've been married for over 20 years now.  My foster brother struck out with Malinda's room mate.  He did however end up marrying the room mate's younger sister.  They've been married fro 12 years.  We introduced the room mate to a buddy of mine one night 2 weeks before he left for basic training in the Air Farce.  He asked her to marry him on a phone call from basic training.  They've been married 21 years.

The moral of the story... I never say anything smart assed to a woman.  The chain of events can be catastrophic.

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

Ah, yes...1987...a bad year to say anything smart assed to a woman.  I lived in Cleveland and I was in Florida for about 3 weeks.  I saw a cute little pharmacist behind the counter in the drug store and asked if I could take her home in my suitcase.  After spending every night with her for the remainder of the 3 weeks, I went back to Cleveland, thinking I would never see her again.  She showed up at my door in Cleveland the next weekend.  We saw each other every weekend for the next 2 months and by then I had already located a job in FL and moved there.  By the next month, we were married.  Four years later, I had served out my sentence and was free again.  but like you said, watch what you say...the events can be catastrophic. 

[Ghost Rider]

Ah, yes...1987...a bad year to say anything smart assed to a woman. 

Your right, there must have been something in the air that year.  I married my high school sweetheart in 1987, and 21+ years, and 3 kids later, were still together.  Of course the fact that she told me very early in the marriage that if I ever left her, "she would kill me in my sleep" might have helped keep me line.  I never doubted the sincerity of that statement. 

[Hugh Janis]

I need to post here just to keep this thread in my "New Replies" list.  '87 was a great year for me too.  All will remain secret though.

[Twolanerider]

Your right, there must have been something in the air that year.  I married my high school sweetheart in 1987, and 21+ years, and 3 kids later, were still together.  Of course the fact that she told me very early in the marriage that if I ever left her, "she would kill me in my sleep" might have helped keep me line.  I never doubted the sincerity of that statement. 

Believe every word of that too....   

[1abastarsmda]

Then there was the one that I met when I was about 21.  She told me she was 24 and a model...and she looked it.  After seeing her on weekends for a few months, I found out she was a 16 year old high school dropout.  I ran into her about 12 years later in a bar.  I didn't recognize her.  She told me who she was and pulled my away from my girlfriend and told me it was important that she talk to me.  She told me we had a child together and she never told me about it.  When I asked her if she was sure, she said, "Well, it was either you or this other guy Dave, and I never told him either."  I asked if we are talking about a son or a daughter, and she couldn't remember.  It turns out she had 6 children and put 5 up for adoption.  I'm guessing mine wasn't the pick of the litter, assuming it was mine.  I really know how to pick them.

How about this one.  I met a gal online and went out with her for the first time on New Year's Eve.  Around January 4th, she called to tell me that I got her pregnant and she needed money to go have it ended.  When I asked the obvious, she told me it's an early detection test and she already has everything set up to have the pregnancy terminated.  I decided to play along and test her a bit.  I told her not to be so hasty and that we should make this decision mutually.  Emphatic NO from her.  I told her I wanted to go with her and she said her friends were already going along.  I told her I have a big car and we could all go.  Another emphatic NO.  She told me she needs $600 as soon as I can possibly get it to her.  After she realized I wasn't going to bite, she called and told me that her father gave her the money and I don't need to worry anymore and I can go someplace very very warm.  About 3 months later, she sent me an instant message along the lines of Hi, how are you?  What's going on?  Anything exciting?  Work's a drag.  etc and so on...like none of this ever happened.  I think she was heading towards asking me to come over, when I abruptly ended the session telling her someone was at my door or something, and I never signed back on to instant messages again.  Again, I really know how to pick them.

[J-Carr]

Then there was the one that I met when I was about 21.  She told me she was 24 and a model...and she looked it.  After seeing her on weekends for a few months, I found out she was a 16 year old high school dropout.  I ran into her about 12 years later in a bar.  I didn't recognize her.  She told me who she was and pulled my away from my girlfriend and told me it was important that she talk to me.  She told me we had a child together and she never told me about it.  When I asked her if she was sure, she said, "Well, it was either you or this other guy Dave, and I never told him either."  I asked if we are talking about a son or a daughter, and she couldn't remember.  It turns out she had 6 children and put 5 up for adoption.  I'm guessing mine wasn't the pick of the litter, assuming it was mine.  I really know how to pick them.

How about this one.  I met a gal online and went out with her for the first time on New Year's Eve.  Around January 4th, she called to tell me that I got her pregnant and she needed money to go have it ended.  When I asked the obvious, she told me it's an early detection test and she already has everything set up to have the pregnancy terminated.  I decided to play along and test her a bit.  I told her not to be so hasty and that we should make this decision mutually.  Emphatic NO from her.  I told her I wanted to go with her and she said her friends were already going along.  I told her I have a big car and we could all go.  Another emphatic NO.  She told me she needs $600 as soon as I can possibly get it to her.  After she realized I wasn't going to bite, she called and told me that her father gave her the money and I don't need to worry anymore and I can go someplace very very warm.  About 3 months later, she sent me an instant message along the lines of Hi, how are you?  What's going on?  Anything exciting?  Work's a drag.  etc and so on...like none of this ever happened.  I think she was heading towards asking me to come over, when I abruptly ended the session telling her someone was at my door or something, and I never signed back on to instant messages again.  Again, I really know how to pick them.

Dude, Seriously, remind me not to ever let you be my wingman!!!!!      

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[Hugh Janis]

Love the pick of the litter line.

You should look in the public library or volunteer at the hospital to meet better people! (but what's the fun in that)

[1abastarsmda]

Dude, Seriously, remind me not to ever let you be my wingman!!!!!      

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

But so far, I've only mentioned very few of them, and these were some seriously good looking ladies.  I'm talking about very well dressed, beautiful, well kept ladies that from sight, did not have any appearances of trailer or carnival blood in them.  If this thread keeps going, I may get to some of the disasters of blind dates I've had.  You can give me hell this April in York.

[J-Carr]

  Will do! 

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[ice6900]

But so far, I've only mentioned very few of them, and these were some seriously good looking ladies.  I'm talking about very well dressed, beautiful, well kept ladies that from sight, did not have any appearances of trailer or carnival blood in them.  If this thread keeps going, I may get to some of the disasters of blind dates I've had.  You can give me hell this April in York.

Well u^ve certainly had ur fair share my friend!

[GregKhougaz]

   Women!    Oh my !    All this romance  is making me dizzy!       You're making me want to cry!        Is not love great?      Tell us more.        1abastarsmda  needs to change is handle to love doctor.  

Remember that it is a woman's world.  Proof:  Men control approximately 80% of the world wealth.  Women control 100% of the world's (if you have to ask, you're too young to know)!  Seriously, great stories!  Keep them coming! (Maybe that was the wrong word). 

In 1995, I was out c & w dancing.  Met a beautiful, 23 year old girl and her mother on the same night but did not know they were related.  Mother had a thing for younger guys... me.  By the end of the night, the girl and I are smitten with each other.  I picked her up for our fist date and mother claims I am "evil."  Nevertheless, girl and I became an item for eight months.  All the while, it's "I love you and want to have your children."  Still, mom hated me and continually tried to break us up.  Just when I thought things were really on track, girl dumped me (politely) saying she's "born again."  She quickly married a "born again" guy mom picked out for her.  Remember, she was 23.

Saw girl after a few times and she's not happy.  Apologises to me one night and says she wants a divorce.  I say, "Call me when it's final."  I was probably still angry but still had feelings.  Fast forward 12 years and she spots me in a gas station, calls out to me and we embrace in front of her date.  One look and I'm in trouble again.  I'm on the way back from skiing and she's on the way up.  She tells me she's single and this is a friend.  Her marriage lasted ten years and was followed by a bad relationship with a stalker type. 

Called girl a week later.  She broke up with friend after ski trip. We go to dinner the connection was all there.  Seems like she was always it for me.  We're now seeing each other again.  The fireworks are spectacular.  We're trying to take it slow.  You never know.....  

[miker]

Fly to the DR, get tubes cleaned...Smoke, drink, gamble be merry.

La transcation professionale....just a note for you single guys..

[J-Carr]

Greg, to quote an old TV show.  "Danger Will Robinson... Danger... Danger...''

Psyco mother...
On again, off again religious...
Stalker Ex-Boyfriend...
Moves on the next kill while the current is in the car...

Only you know the truth of the relationship but that's one scary story from the outside.  I wish you well my friend.

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[MIKEYTEE]

Wish you luck Greg! I don't have any horror dating stories, I've been married 43 years, to the same woman, Yikes,
That's a horror story in itself! Funny part is she thought I was rich and good looking, too bad I wasn't rich.
Mike
 

[GregKhougaz]

J Carr, Miketee,

          Sage advice!  She's a great woman now.  It may not work out but we're sure having fun.  I've not been married but had my share.  No rush.  Just trying to enjoy the moment.  Good luck to us all!

gk

[ice6900]

and does the mother still hate u Greg?

[J-Carr]

and does the mother still hate u Greg?

Personnaly Ice, for Gregs sake I hope she does!  Every girl I've had a relationship with, her mother's hated me.  Think my mother-in-law still does!  One didn't though, she turned out to be evil and took her husband for all his money... So now I'm glad for all the moms who've hated me! 

Besides, if she had the hots for him way back when she's gonna be scary now!   

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[GregKhougaz]

Have not seen the mom and not sure if I'm looking forward to it.  I hear she reacted OK when she heard I was around again.  Girl is 36 now so not influenced any longer (at least not as much).  Just trying to tread carefully....        Love is a crazy thing! 

J-Carr, how could every mom hate you? 

[J-Carr]

J-Carr, how could every mom hate you? 

I would like to know the answer to that myself!  I'm moderately successful, have a polite honor roll child, have never hit a woman in my life, don't drink excessively, don't do drugs, am respectful to those around me and have never cheated on my wife.  Yet my mother-in-law has always preferred my wife's sister's husbands to me.  She's divorved from both of them and the first ex is a nice guy but the second one is a walking Jerry Springer episode.

That's pretty much my luck when it comes to mothers... 

Personally I think it's because I've always told the girls I'm with to be free and dress and do wht they want.  Not what I or anyone else thinks.  So I took my sunday School teach wife and turned her into a tattood Harley Riding biker chick.  Of course the fact that my wife's the one who wanted me to get the street bikes (I was a dirt rider only when we met) and she likes the tats better then I do seems to escape her mother.

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[GregKhougaz]

If you think about it, that may be good luck!  Sometimes, less is more (better) when it comes to    mothers-in-law!!       

[1abastarsmda]

If you think about it, that may be good luck!  Sometimes, less is more (better) when it comes to    mothers-in-law!!       

Don't even get me started on the mother-in-law thing.  That may very well be the reason I never got married again...fear of having another MIL.  That one could create another new thread some day.

[GregKhougaz]

Oscar Wilde once defined a "Second Marriage" as "The triumph of hope over experience."   

The reason divorce is so expensive?   IT'S WORTH IT!       

[OhioDave]

I would like to know the answer to that myself!  I'm moderately successful, have a polite honor roll child, have never hit a woman in my life, don't drink excessively, don't do drugs, am respectful to those around me and have never cheated on my wife.  Yet my mother-in-law has always preferred my wife's sister's husbands to me.  She's divorved from both of them and the first ex is a nice guy but the second one is a walking Jerry Springer episode.

That's pretty much my luck when it comes to mothers... 

Personally I think it's because I've always told the girls I'm with to be free and dress and do wht they want.  Not what I or anyone else thinks.  So I took my sunday School teach wife and turned her into a tattood Harley Riding biker chick.  Of course the fact that my wife's the one who wanted me to get the street bikes (I was a dirt rider only when we met) and she likes the tats better then I do seems to escape her mother.

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

 
You should have seen that coming...lol

[LarryB]

well since Im on # 4 and have spent well over 1/2 mil on divorces, I have stories, none of which I care to share except the last one, I gave up on American women, just used them for the humpty hump. married to a wonderfull British woman. she was the ONLY one my mother approved of. we spend our nights rehashing the revolutionary war, lol.

[J-Carr]

You should have seen that coming...lol

Sorry,  if you check the posting rules you'll find some subsection clause three paragraph A that says I can't show you.  But I will Confess she's been known to read and follow the signs at biker rallies... 

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[RickC]

So I took my sunday School teach wife and turned her into a tattood Harley Riding biker chick.  Of course the fact that my wife's the one who wanted me to get the street bikes (I was a dirt rider only when we met) and she likes the tats better then I do seems to escape her mother.

Wish I'd had a Sunday School teacher like that... 

[1abastarsmda]

Wish I'd had a Sunday School teacher like that... 

Hmmm...I don't think I have any stories about a Sunday school teacher.  I guess I missed that angle somewhere along the way.

[Hugh Janis]

[Sean M Cary]

second hand story - good buddy of mine when I lived in So Fla...

He's on a first date with his future wife, they are in downtown West Palm Beach after dinner - something hits him hard in the stomach from dinner and he has to take a crap like NOW...

So he makes a quick excuse and looks around for a bath room, can't find any - so he finds a planter in a dark corner and just about craps his bowels out in the planter.  The entire time his GF is wondering what the hell is going on.  He was freaking out, luckily didn't crap all over himself somehow.

As he was telling me this, I just about bust a gut laughing, was one of those laughs that hurt.

They did end up getting married!

[Mr. We]

I'd have to go with getting caught in the back of the catering station wagon in someone's corn field. Cops were pretty excited when they spotted the open bottle of Catawba, I had to explain that it wasn't alcohol, that was when one recognized the girl I was with. Come to think of it, I moved to Canada soon after...

[1abastarsmda]

I'd have to go with getting caught in the back of the catering station wagon in someone's corn field. Cops were pretty excited when they spotted the open bottle of Catawba, I had to explain that it wasn't alcohol, that was when one recognized the girl I was with. Come to think of it, I moved to Canada soon after...

Getting caught in the car...forgot all about that one.  Late night in the parking lot of a church, the Reverend came knocking on the window.  Not a good thing, but then I don't think he knew me.

[J-Carr]

Getting caught in the car...forgot all about that one.  Late night in the parking lot of a church, the Reverend came knocking on the window.  Not a good thing, but then I don't think he knew me.

How 'bout in the church?  I did mention my wife had been a Sunday School Teacher when I met her...  But it wasn't me with her and it wasn't the minister who caught her.  Before I know her and it was her sister who caught her making our with her then boyfriend at youth group function.  Not in the sanctuary, but in a storage room in the basement activity hall and not on Sunday.  So she's only part heathen.  heheheh.  I can't wait until April and people bring this stuff up to her at the York GTG... I'm gonna get so much chit! 

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

[1abastarsmda]

By the time York comes around, you'll have plenty on ammunition on me if I keep spilling my guts here.  So then there was this gal I dated for about 6 to 8 months or so and she lived with her parents.  She and I used to go to her parents' camp with them on a lot of weekends.  One weekend her parents went to camp and we stayed at the house for the weekend.  We went out to a local bar for a while and she was getting pretty tipsy.  When we got back to the house, she started crying and wanted me to watch her wedding video with her.  I had no idea that she was ever married, nonetheless that she was still married.  Relationship over!  Then she calls me and asks if I would call her husband for her and try to talk him into taking her back.  Why, I don't know, but I called him.  I had no idea that he knew anything about me, but he did.  I convinced him that I was seeing her for a while and that although I wanted to, we never slept together.  I told him that I had no idea that she was married and that she and I had just become very good friends and that once I found out she was married, everything started to make sense as to why she wouldn't sleep with me, and that I would not be seeing her anymore.  Well, I guess I was pretty convincing and he told me that he would give her another chance.  I had to call her right away and fill her in on the story that I told him and make sure that she played it out the way I told it.  I have no idea what ever happened to her.  No idea if they got back together or not.  I just can't believe that not even her parents ever let me know the big secret.  Once again...do I know how to pick them or what?  I just hope that her husband or ex-husband doesn't happen to own a CVO and hang out on this forum.  That was about 12 to 13 years ago, but I'm sure that something like this couldn't have happened twice.

[HogBreath]

It really hurts when you sleep with a girl, and she turns lesbian after that. Or, so I've heard.

[GregKhougaz]

For all the Ladies' Men, a Question:  Do you know what a truely satisfied woman says?  
 
 
 








This is a yes or know question.  If your answer was "yes".... great!  If your answer was "no," we all feel sorry for you!

[Hugh Janis]

It really hurts when you sleep with a girl, and she turns lesbian after that. Or, so I've heard.

yup, definitely better to be the cure instead of the cause.

[RickC]

For all the Ladies' Men, a Question:  Do you know what a truely satisfied woman says? 

"Oh, baby! Thanks for the beautiful 3-carat diamond ring! It's just what I wanted!"

[1abastarsmda]

"Oh, baby! Thanks for the beautiful 3-carat diamond ring! It's just what I wanted!"

My ex-mother-in-law told my ex right in front of me without flinching, "Don't marry him unless you get at least 4 carats" and she was dead serious.  This is the same woman that told us squarely that she was going to have a party for us in Long Island shortly after our wedding, but my parents were not invited because my father had Alzheimer's.  That was my first of many opportunities for me to completely lose it on that woman.  No, we did not attend our after wedding party.

[GregKhougaz]

"Oh, baby! Thanks for the beautiful 3-carat diamond ring! It's just what I wanted!"

You're probably right on there but try asking a few guys the question.  Amazing how many say, "No."   

[Mr. We]

For all the Ladies' Men, a Question:  Do you know what a truely satisfied woman says?  
 
 
 

Steve Martin asked a very similar question, I'll try my best to retrive it... something like...



You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex?

Me neither

 

[comfortablynumb]

Being one of the few "cool" guys that rode a motorcycle(Honda 550-4 cylinder), the girls lined up for rides,something to do with the shaking seat syndrome.Anyway, gorgeous Scandinavian blonde,blue eyes,large ..er..eyes, said she'd go out for a date. Picked her up rode around,listening to her breathing hard and noticing the way she would occasionnaly grab and squeeze my ribs with her head pressed into my back.I swear I had no idea what was going on. She told me that she needed something to drink so we rode into the parking lot of my home town's local burger joint(spared no expense).I was like a proud dude, being able to show off this beautiful girl in front of my friends, and have them thinking of,(as well as me ), of the big night to come.  So, kickstand down,with 2 other things on my mind, I went to get off the bike,swinging my right leg up and over the seat where no one usually is, and kicked her square in the side of the helmet,knocking her not only off the bike,but out cold.People inside side it and called the first aid squad,those that weren't laughing. So besides my friends laughing their a$$e$ off, I went home alone(she called her sister).To make matters worse,2 days later,it made the local papers as."girl injured in motorcycle incident."Lesson learned. Every time I start thinking I'm that cool, I remind myself of that night and even though I was unlucky that night, I was pretty lucky. But I really would have liked to see them,I remember that too.

[Mr. We]

I think you deserve a do-over!

 

[Trapperdog]

At 16 I was taking a date, her brother and girlfriend to Winterland in S. F. to a concert. I ended up totaling my parents car in the heart of the city and unbeknownst to me, her brother had a pound of pot he was taking to the concert to sell. I made him get it out of the car before the police came and he put it in a mailbox on the corner not more than 20' from us. Needless to say, with all the police and tow trucks around the mailman showed up! Nervously awaiting his responce as he opened the box, he gazed upon the stash, looked at us, looked at the police and slowly loaded the mail and baggies filled with pot into his bag. He just closed the box, grinned, waived at us and departed. I never saw either of them again but heard she married and moved to Montana and he ended up in San Quintin prison for dealing heroin.

[OhioDave]

Sorry,  if you check the posting rules you'll find some subsection clause three paragraph A that says I can't show you.  But I will Confess she's been known to read and follow the signs at biker rallies... 

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

Sounds like a keeper....enjoy !

[1abastarsmda]

Being one of the few "cool" guys that rode a motorcycle(Honda 550-4 cylinder), the girls lined up for rides,something to do with the shaking seat syndrome.Anyway, gorgeous Scandinavian blonde,blue eyes,large ..er..eyes, said she'd go out for a date. Picked her up rode around,listening to her breathing hard and noticing the way she would occasionnaly grab and squeeze my ribs with her head pressed into my back.I swear I had no idea what was going on. She told me that she needed something to drink so we rode into the parking lot of my home town's local burger joint(spared no expense).I was like a proud dude, being able to show off this beautiful girl in front of my friends, and have them thinking of,(as well as me ), of the big night to come.  So, kickstand down,with 2 other things on my mind, I went to get off the bike,swinging my right leg up and over the seat where no one usually is, and kicked her square in the side of the helmet,knocking her not only off the bike,but out cold.People inside side it and called the first aid squad,those that weren't laughing. So besides my friends laughing their a$$e$ off, I went home alone(she called her sister).To make matters worse,2 days later,it made the local papers as."girl injured in motorcycle incident."Lesson learned. Every time I start thinking I'm that cool, I remind myself of that night and even though I was unlucky that night, I was pretty lucky. But I really would have liked to see them,I remember that too.

I really feel your pain.  That sounds like the stupid chit I would pull.

[1abastarsmda]

At 16 I was taking a date, her brother and girlfriend to Winterland in S. F. to a concert. I ended up totaling my parents car in the heart of the city and unbeknownst to me, her brother had a pound of pot he was taking to the concert to sell. I made him get it out of the car before the police came and he put it in a mailbox on the corner not more than 20' from us. Needless to say, with all the police and tow trucks around the mailman showed up! Nervously awaiting his responce as he opened the box, he gazed upon the stash, looked at us, looked at the police and slowly loaded the mail and baggies filled with pot into his bag. He just closed the box, grinned, waived at us and departed. I never saw either of them again but heard she married and moved to Montana and he ended up in San Quintin prison for dealing heroin.

Wow!  Did I say "Wow"?  I thought you were going to say the mailman took the mail and left it behind.  I guess there wasn't much your girlfriend's brother could do at that point.  Bummer for him, but good move for everyone getting rid of it.

[Sean M Cary]

See - those of us that were really cool, would have recovered from the initial embarrassment, done mouth to mouth and chest compressions...while lying on her to keep her warm.

Or maybe that is just what a deranged sex fiend would do - I get them confused a lot.

Carpe Diem

Sean

Being one of the few "cool" guys that rode a motorcycle(Honda 550-4 cylinder), the girls lined up for rides,something to do with the shaking seat syndrome.Anyway, gorgeous Scandinavian blonde,blue eyes,large ..er..eyes, said she'd go out for a date. Picked her up rode around,listening to her breathing hard and noticing the way she would occasionnaly grab and squeeze my ribs with her head pressed into my back.I swear I had no idea what was going on. She told me that she needed something to drink so we rode into the parking lot of my home town's local burger joint(spared no expense).I was like a proud dude, being able to show off this beautiful girl in front of my friends, and have them thinking of,(as well as me ), of the big night to come.  So, kickstand down,with 2 other things on my mind, I went to get off the bike,swinging my right leg up and over the seat where no one usually is, and kicked her square in the side of the helmet,knocking her not only off the bike,but out cold.People inside side it and called the first aid squad,those that weren't laughing. So besides my friends laughing their a$$e$ off, I went home alone(she called her sister).To make matters worse,2 days later,it made the local papers as."girl injured in motorcycle incident."Lesson learned. Every time I start thinking I'm that cool, I remind myself of that night and even though I was unlucky that night, I was pretty lucky. But I really would have liked to see them,I remember that too.

[Trapperdog]

See - those of us that were really cool, would have recovered from the initial embarrassment, done mouth to mouth and chest compressions...while lying on her to keep her warm.

Or maybe that is just what a deranged sex fiend would do - I get them confused a lot.

Carpe Diem

Sean

You'r pretty funny for a LtCol  Just noticed I previously forgot the FUNNY

[SE-Randy]

I was living in Destin, Fl in ’84. There was a good sandwich shop that I frequented. The manager was real cute and a real smart a**, I am no slouch there either, so we razed each other a lot.
Months go by and I walk in to the Hog’s Breath Saloon one night and it is packed, standing room only. I look around for anyone I know so I could join in their table and there was the girl from the sandwich shop. I strolled up and said scoot over *itch. 18 months later we were married. I knew I should have turned around when I saw it was so crowded.

[GregKhougaz]

Best story.

[Sean M Cary]

You'r pretty funny for a LtCol  Just noticed I previously forgot the FUNNY

Man, I was all hot and bothered when you called me pretty.  At 6'6" and 260 nobody calls me pretty that often.

Damn, please ignore the roses and "toys" when they arrive.

Sean

[sadunbar]

Best story.

Holy crap, Greg!  How did you pull that off?  Nice work!   

[GregKhougaz]

Holy crap, Greg!  How did you pull that off?  Nice work!   

Hi Scott,

          She's the story from #18, above.  Working on it still.  After a ten year marriage and subsequent stalker, she's not ready for a "relationship."  We get together, have a wonderful, romantic time and then later, she's afraid....  I'm practicing patience these days but when we're together... Wow!     I'm 52 and when people ask why I've never married.... she's the one I tell about.  One day at a time....  I'm pretty determined here.     Your turn!

Greg

[1abastarsmda]

Hi Scott,

          She's the story from #18, above.  Working on it still.  After a ten year marriage and subsequent stalker, she's not ready for a "relationship."  We get together, have a wonderful, romantic time and then later, she's afraid....  I'm practicing patience these days but when we're together... Wow!     I'm 52 and when people ask why I've never married.... she's the one I tell about.  One day at a time....  I'm pretty determined here.     Your turn!

Greg

Nothing wrong with taking your time.  But, as you've seen with the luck I have with the ladies, it's best that I wait for a while and find out what prize they have waiting for me at the bottom of the Cracker Jack box.  When you are sure you have a good one though, latch on.  They seem to be fewer and further in between than they used to be.

Okay, I just thought of another one.  I got fixed up on this bliind date.  This was about 10 - 11 years ago.  I walk in and the only female patron looks like Maude.  I was probably 39 or 40 years old and she was a very manly looking woman in her late 50's.  I can't remember now who it was that thought we would be a good pair, but somebody must have forgotten to take their pill.  So, anyway, she asked if I was Dave and I sat and had a drink with her.  As we are talking, I notice this sweet young waitress at the other end of the bar is looking at me everytime I looked that direction and when I looked, she smiled.  To make a long story short, that was her daughter, and the guy bartending...her son.  Oh well, that one didn't work out and I felt pretty strange knowing that her kids were sitting there watching the entire thing.

[Keats]

This was not me (I never get myself in those "1abastarsmda" moments)
But while in college my 1 room mate is attending Grad School and trying to get his masters complete.
Unfortunately he has decided that banging his Professor's (the One that has the grant money) wife could not be avoided.
She was great looking, but how the hell did he go school everyday working on this project and beat the Professer home to service his wife. I was convinced this was going to end real bad, but it eventually just ended. No one got shot and he did get his Masters.

[GregKhougaz]

... it's best that I wait for a while and find out what prize they have waiting for me at the bottom of the Cracker Jack box.  When you are sure you have a good one though, latch on.  They seem to be fewer and further in between than they used to be.

FLHTCUSE3, Oh My!!! 

1abastarsmda, well said and very true!  Your story reminds me of a "blind date."  

At least 20 years ago, I knew this guy who was a regular Joe but had a very nice but very unattractive "fiance."  For quite some time, he tried to set me up with "Susan," whom I had to assume was similar to the fiance.  He gives me the number to call and would check back from time to time and I would always have an excuse for not having called.  Finally after a couple of months he says, "Look Greg, I know my girlfriend is a dog but you've got to trust me this Susan is beautiful and nice, too."  He was not letting up....  

So, I finally call.  She was polite on the phone so I ask if she would like to go out for a bite / drink.  I offer to pick her up, trying to polite.  All the way to her door, I'm thinking, "What am I doing?  She's going to be a dog and I'll have a boring time."  I ring the bell.  She opens the door and upon seeing her, I'm thinking, "What am I doing here, she's a complete fox and what will she ever see in me?"  She had big blue eyes, big brunette hair and big .... well, you know.  She was killer and very nice.  We had a great time that night and dated for a couple of years.  To say the least, I got lots of "I told you so's."  You just never know....  

[1abastarsmda]

An old buddy from back where I grew up called me tonight.  I was telling him about this thread and he started laughing.  He went on to say, "Do you remember..."  He told me about a time back in high school that he and I were riding around and I had him drop me off at my car because of some girl walking down the street that I wanted to try to pick up.  He said I was gone for about 20 minutes and came back and said "OMG, was that scary!"  He said that I picked her up, took her someplace, started to take her clothes off, and found that she had been badly burned, and dropped her back off immediately all within about 20 minutes.  I have no recollection of this whatsoever, but he was able to tell me exactly what she looked like and where she lived, etc.  He told me it was something that I did that he would never forget.

Then, he started describing someone he ran into recently and he can't remember her name.  He went on to say that she was tall, about 5'11" and slender with dark hair.  I told him he would need to give me more than just that.  Then he said, "One of us dated her, but I can't remember which one of us."  But then I should point out that I think my buddy has fried a lot of brain cells over the years.  I can't tell you how many times he's called and told me he ran into this girl or that, and mentioned when he dated her, and I'd have to tell him that he never dated her...I did.  He always goes silent at that point and comes back with...maybe you're right.  I guess she was just around a lot since she was with you.  There are a few of my formers that he did go out with, but mostly it's just that his mind is no longer working like a Swiss timepiece.  It does make it real easy to screw with him though.

[LarryB]

Ok here goes,
Many years ago while living in Sacramento, I'm at this party with my Buddies, we knew a few people there, but our mission usually ended up in a fight with some ARMY or Navy or Marine bunch. or with anyone who wanted to throw down. It's an Air Force thing, we were taught not to pee on our hand
I'm standing on one side of the room and I look across and there is the girl sitting on a couch with other gals, and she is looking right at me. My buddies, realizing that she is "diggin' my vibe", start prodding me to "go check her out". So I take the customary drink and start my saunter over to Missy Miss . As I get closer I can see that she is very pretty and she's probably half blind and really didnt see me at all.
Next comes the " Hi I'm LB" and she says " yes I know, we road together before" . yes confused, but I forge ahead. I take a knee and we start the chit chat and I look over to my buddies and there giving me the . Little more talk and she says, I'm stayin with SHE here cuz I cant remember her real name, "would you like to take this to my place, I have an apt here too" . I said uh huh sure why not duh. She stands up I look over to the buds and and I give the  and the sign for breaking formation.
Now this is were it get's wierd.
As I'm looking over to my Buddies I hear CLOP-SLIDE, CLOP SLIDE, Im thinking WTF. I turn and Missy Miss has what looks like a leg but isn't working like one, kind of like a hard step then drag this appendage along, hence, the CLOP-Slide.
Now my Buddies are Frickin dying about now But I can't look, and decide my mission is to get to the door with her, but that's going to take some time as I here my buddies busting a gut and then I hear some other gal whisper " look at that poor girl" FT what about ME.
We get to the door and she opens it, without falling down, yea. We go into the hall and She grabs my hand and looks deep into my eyes, through the tears yes, and she says " I know you want to run away about now" I said "No, why would I want to do that", smooth, she say's " you knew my husband, you rode with him and I to RENO 2 years ago", and then I said "oh ya", man I had a grasp on this english thing, she said" we had a bad accident and he was killed and I have been in Rehab  since then till two weeks ago". WTF, Im dying here.
She said " I haven't BEEN with anyone since then and I remember my husband really liked you and Im sure he would approve". being the I am I man up and tell her that I would love to join her for a Drink, wink wink, nudge nudge, at her place.
Well let me finish by saying I woke up on the floor to the aroma of bacon and eggs, and then CLOP-SLIDE.
Kicking my clothes to the hall  and dressing and thinking, what did I do. but I did it.
the next couple years plagued me deeply, well not too deeply, but my Buddies, those bastards, we were returning from some God forsaken south American country on a 130, and one of them yells " Hey LB", and does the CLOP-SLIDE
Some call it a Mercy F#@k, some call it crazy, but, it was great. And im sure she understood.
whew!

[LarryB]

Now I have to go back to therapy

[Sean M Cary]

Now I have to go back to therapy

they let you out?

[mrmagloo]

Ok here goes,
Many years ago while living in Sacramento, I'm at this party with my Buddies, we knew a few people there, but our mission usually ended up in a fight with some ARMY or Navy or Marine bunch. or with anyone who wanted to throw down. It's an Air Force thing, we were taught not to pee on our hand
I'm standing on one side of the room and I look across and there is the girl sitting on a couch with other gals, and she is looking right at me. My buddies, realizing that she is "diggin' my vibe", start prodding me to "go check her out". So I take the customary drink and start my saunter over to Missy Miss . As I get closer I can see that she is very pretty and she's probably half blind and really didnt see me at all.
Next comes the " Hi I'm LB" and she says " yes I know, we road together before" . yes confused, but I forge ahead. I take a knee and we start the chit chat and I look over to my buddies and there giving me the . Little more talk and she says, I'm stayin with SHE here cuz I cant remember her real name, "would you like to take this to my place, I have an apt here too" . I said uh huh sure why not duh. She stands up I look over to the buds and and I give the  and the sign for breaking formation.
Now this is were it get's wierd.
As I'm looking over to my Buddies I hear CLOP-SLIDE, CLOP SLIDE, Im thinking WTF. I turn and Missy Miss has what looks like a leg but isn't working like one, kind of like a hard step then drag this appendage along, hence, the CLOP-Slide.
Now my Buddies are Frickin dying about now But I can't look, and decide my mission is to get to the door with her, but that's going to take some time as I here my buddies busting a gut and then I hear some other gal whisper " look at that poor girl" FT what about ME.
We get to the door and she opens it, without falling down, yea. We go into the hall and She grabs my hand and looks deep into my eyes, through the tears yes, and she says " I know you want to run away about now" I said "No, why would I want to do that", smooth, she say's " you knew my husband, you rode with him and I to RENO 2 years ago", and then I said "oh ya", man I had a grasp on this english thing, she said" we had a bad accident and he was killed and I have been in Rehab  since then till two weeks ago". WTF, Im dying here.
She said " I haven't BEEN with anyone since then and I remember my husband really liked you and Im sure he would approve". being the I am I man up and tell her that I would love to join her for a Drink, wink wink, nudge nudge, at her place.
Well let me finish by saying I woke up on the floor to the aroma of bacon and eggs, and then CLOP-SLIDE.
Kicking my clothes to the hall  and dressing and thinking, what did I do. but I did it.
the next couple years plagued me deeply, well not too deeply, but my Buddies, those bastards, we were returning from some God forsaken south American country on a 130, and one of them yells " Hey LB", and does the CLOP-SLIDE
Some call it a Mercy F#@k, some call it crazy, but, it was great. And im sure she understood.
whew!

I have a story similar to that. However, she was light on her feet and I had zero clue until later that night when she disrobed. Good thing I was plenty trashed at that point, as well as she. I'm sure I wasn't very PC about containing my shock, but I do remember her saying everything else still worked fine. At that point, instincts kicked in and overruled the flight urge. Too bad I don't remember much, but I do recall that experience dangling in my mind for quite some time. Just glad I never had a Danny Bonaduce experience - I'd still be struggling with that!

[RickC]

Damn, please ignore the roses and "toys" when they arrive.

Damn, Sean! That was funny!

[aushog]

After 31 great years married to the same (still hot) woman, I can't even remember dating!

Oh no, now it comes back to me, when I was a teen.  She was sweet, young, very pretty, we were in her back yard at night, laying in the grass kissing.  She said something like "you know, we can do whatever you want..."     I wanted a burger.

[1abastarsmda]

After 31 great years married to the same (still hot) woman, I can't even remember dating!

Oh no, now it comes back to me, when I was a teen.  She was sweet, young, very pretty, we were in her back yard at night, laying in the grass kissing.  She said something like "you know, we can do whatever you want..."     I wanted a burger.

  Off with your head, my good man.  Seriously, that's hilarious.  But I think it's good that you're in a long marriage, 'cause your head was off in the wrong place when you were dating.  "I wanted a burger".  Now that just kills me.

[LarryB]

Furburger

[Capo]

Here goes. October deer/bow hunting season in upstate PA. Happened to coincide with the 1980 Phillies and Royals World Series. Hunted hard all day and back at the motel we shower and head to the local gin joint. We all had bought $1 squares for the series and tonight I collect the precious game winnings for Game 1 -$25, a lot of beer money back then. Eat, drink, drink and there I am oogling the voluptuous blonde waitress. The night goes on and she gets off early and the next thing I know we're in my buddies back seat and the doors are locked and the windows are fogged with him banging on the door-suddenly he realizes what's going on from the naked feet planted on the windows for leverage and the violent rocking of the car. 20 minutes later, back to the bar and never see or hear from her again. What a deer hunt.....lost all my arrows too!

[Hugh Janis]

Best story.

You out punted your coverage on that one Greg.  I hope it works out!

[1abastarsmda]

I was just relating in another thread how my ex-girlfriend just called me a bit ago to tell me that the color of my new bike was ugly and that the gray striped on the seat was hideous...and that she finally found something to say to me that could actually bother me.  As it was said, that's why she an ex.  Anyway, it got me to thinking that if she couldn't talk, she may have been a prize catch, which brought me to the statement of "Wonder what ever happened to that deaf/mute girl I dated in college".

Okay, there I sit in my Abnormal Psychology class junior year.  I look around the room and see this absolute blonde knockout.  But what's the deal with her and this older woman next to her and the sign language thing going on?  Somehow, I got around to talking to her (well, you could kind of understand the sort of grunting like words she said).  She gave me her phone number, which really added to my confusion.  She had some sort of device there at home that she was able to know what I was saying and we could converse on the phone to a great extent.  She came to my apartment, and all 3 of my roommates were there and a few other people, and I hadn't really filled anyone in, which in retrospect, I should have.  She started talking, the way she does, and one of my roommates started his own grunting speech back at her.  He thought she was joking around and was giving it back to her.  What an uncomfortable scene.  So the stereo is on, and she grunts out turn it up and points at the speaker.  Again, I'm confused.  She starts singing in sign language and she explained to me that if the sound was turned up loud enough, she could feel the vibrations and follow the song.  Of course, by this time, my roommates are also singing with their fingers and being the total jagoffs that they could be, given the opportunity.  Well, as you have probably guessed, it was all just too much for me to handle and I let the relationship fizzle.  I should mention again that this gal was absolutely stunning.  She was Miss Deaf New York...pretty sure it was NY...not that I had ever heard of deaf beauty pageants prior to that.  The last I saw of her, I was watching TV one day and saw her in a commercial where she had no lines, but just had to be there and look gorgeous.  So, finally, I have one of my stories that didn't end up with the girl being a psychopath.

[Screamin'Eagle~Sweetie]

how about being a young nurse, fresh out of college, and being hit on by your patient... who was a good 30 years my senior, wearing nothing but a hospital gown, and there with the diagnosis of--- BROKEN PENIS --- seriously. 

[Capo]

I was just relating in another thread how my ex-girlfriend just called me a bit ago to tell me that the color of my new bike was ugly and that the gray striped on the seat was hideous...and that she finally found something to say to me that could actually bother me.  As it was said, that's why she an ex.  Anyway, it got me to thinking that if she couldn't talk, she may have been a prize catch, which brought me to the statement of "Wonder what ever happened to that deaf/mute girl I dated in college".

Okay, there I sit in my Abnormal Psychology class junior year.  I look around the room and see this absolute blonde knockout.  But what's the deal with her and this older woman next to her and the sign language thing going on?  Somehow, I got around to talking to her (well, you could kind of understand the sort of grunting like words she said).  She gave me her phone number, which really added to my confusion.  She had some sort of device there at home that she was able to know what I was saying and we could converse on the phone to a great extent.  She came to my apartment, and all 3 of my roommates were there and a few other people, and I hadn't really filled anyone in, which in retrospect, I should have.  She started talking, the way she does, and one of my roommates started his own grunting speech back at her.  He thought she was joking around and was giving it back to her.  What an uncomfortable scene.  So the stereo is on, and she grunts out turn it up and points at the speaker.  Again, I'm confused.  She starts singing in sign language and she explained to me that if the sound was turned up loud enough, she could feel the vibrations and follow the song.  Of course, by this time, my roommates are also singing with their fingers and being the total jagoffs that they could be, given the opportunity.  Well, as you have probably guessed, it was all just too much for me to handle and I let the relationship fizzle.  I should mention again that this gal was absolutely stunning.  She was Miss Deaf New York...pretty sure it was NY...not that I had ever heard of deaf beauty pageants prior to that.  The last I saw of her, I was watching TV one day and saw her in a commercial where she had no lines, but just had to be there and look gorgeous.  So, finally, I have one of my stories that didn't end up with the girl being a psychopath.

I got NOTHIN!

[1abastarsmda]

how about being a young nurse, fresh out of college, and being hit on by your patient... who was a good 30 years my senior, wearing nothing but a hospital gown, and there with the diagnosis of--- BROKEN PENIS --- seriously. 

Okay, I have to ask...how do you break a penis?   

[Keats]

Ok, 1abastarsmda

did any of the ex's boil your cat or nail it to the front door?

[1abastarsmda]

Ok, 1abastarsmda

did any of the ex's boil your cat or nail it to the front door?

I don't think she actually nailed this cat to the door...I think she screwed it on.

[comfortablynumb]

I have a story similar to that. However, she was light on her feet and I had zero clue until later that night when she disrobed. Good thing I was plenty trashed at that point, as well as she. I'm sure I wasn't very PC about containing my shock, but I do remember her saying everything else still worked fine. At that point, instincts kicked in and overruled the flight urge. Too bad I don't remember much, but I do recall that experience dangling in my mind for quite some time. Just glad I never had a Danny Bonaduce experience - I'd still be struggling with that!

That reference to the "dangling" in your mind gives me the willies.

[comfortablynumb]

Here goes. October deer/bow hunting season in upstate PA. Happened to coincide with the 1980 Phillies and Royals World Series. Hunted hard all day and back at the motel we shower and head to the local gin joint. We all had bought $1 squares for the series and tonight I collect the precious game winnings for Game 1 -$25, a lot of beer money back then. Eat, drink, drink and there I am oogling the voluptuous blonde waitress. The night goes on and she gets off early and the next thing I know we're in my buddies back seat and the doors are locked and the windows are fogged with him banging on the door-suddenly he realizes what's going on from the naked feet planted on the windows for leverage and the violent rocking of the car. 20 minutes later, back to the bar and never see or hear from her again. What a deer hunt.....lost all my arrows too!

But you did get your buck

[GregKhougaz]

OK then,  it was August and there I was in this little town in South Dakota called Sturgis.... well, I'm sure you know the rest. 

[GregKhougaz]

Worst dating experience?  She just sat there!! 


Disclaimer:  This is a staged photo.  Note my bike to the left. Pictures were taken the same day. 

[BG]

Senior year of high school I got invited to go to Hawaii on a cruise with my girlfriend and her parents.  Went out there thinking with the "other" head and we ended up getting caught by her parents going at it in the state room.  Needless to say it was a very, very long rest of the cruise.  I'm married to her now but still get evil looks from my mother-in-law because of it.

[1abastarsmda]

LMAO

[OhioDave]

Worst dating experience?  She just sat there!! 

Gotta take what you can get when on a wing.....lol

[bellpepper]

realizing the bruise on her thigh was really a jailhouse tatoo.