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[1abastarsmda]

"Oh, baby! Thanks for the beautiful 3-carat diamond ring! It's just what I wanted!"

My ex-mother-in-law told my ex right in front of me without flinching, "Don't marry him unless you get at least 4 carats" and she was dead serious.  This is the same woman that told us squarely that she was going to have a party for us in Long Island shortly after our wedding, but my parents were not invited because my father had Alzheimer's.  That was my first of many opportunities for me to completely lose it on that woman.  No, we did not attend our after wedding party.

[GregKhougaz]

"Oh, baby! Thanks for the beautiful 3-carat diamond ring! It's just what I wanted!"

You're probably right on there but try asking a few guys the question.  Amazing how many say, "No."   

[Mr. We]

For all the Ladies' Men, a Question:  Do you know what a truely satisfied woman says?  
 
 
 

Steve Martin asked a very similar question, I'll try my best to retrive it... something like...



You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex?

Me neither

 

[comfortablynumb]

Being one of the few "cool" guys that rode a motorcycle(Honda 550-4 cylinder), the girls lined up for rides,something to do with the shaking seat syndrome.Anyway, gorgeous Scandinavian blonde,blue eyes,large ..er..eyes, said she'd go out for a date. Picked her up rode around,listening to her breathing hard and noticing the way she would occasionnaly grab and squeeze my ribs with her head pressed into my back.I swear I had no idea what was going on. She told me that she needed something to drink so we rode into the parking lot of my home town's local burger joint(spared no expense).I was like a proud dude, being able to show off this beautiful girl in front of my friends, and have them thinking of,(as well as me ), of the big night to come.  So, kickstand down,with 2 other things on my mind, I went to get off the bike,swinging my right leg up and over the seat where no one usually is, and kicked her square in the side of the helmet,knocking her not only off the bike,but out cold.People inside side it and called the first aid squad,those that weren't laughing. So besides my friends laughing their a$$e$ off, I went home alone(she called her sister).To make matters worse,2 days later,it made the local papers as."girl injured in motorcycle incident."Lesson learned. Every time I start thinking I'm that cool, I remind myself of that night and even though I was unlucky that night, I was pretty lucky. But I really would have liked to see them,I remember that too.

[Mr. We]

I think you deserve a do-over!

 

[Trapperdog]

At 16 I was taking a date, her brother and girlfriend to Winterland in S. F. to a concert. I ended up totaling my parents car in the heart of the city and unbeknownst to me, her brother had a pound of pot he was taking to the concert to sell. I made him get it out of the car before the police came and he put it in a mailbox on the corner not more than 20' from us. Needless to say, with all the police and tow trucks around the mailman showed up! Nervously awaiting his responce as he opened the box, he gazed upon the stash, looked at us, looked at the police and slowly loaded the mail and baggies filled with pot into his bag. He just closed the box, grinned, waived at us and departed. I never saw either of them again but heard she married and moved to Montana and he ended up in San Quintin prison for dealing heroin.

[OhioDave]

Sorry,  if you check the posting rules you'll find some subsection clause three paragraph A that says I can't show you.  But I will Confess she's been known to read and follow the signs at biker rallies... 

Ride Safe,
J-Carr

Sounds like a keeper....enjoy !

[1abastarsmda]

Being one of the few "cool" guys that rode a motorcycle(Honda 550-4 cylinder), the girls lined up for rides,something to do with the shaking seat syndrome.Anyway, gorgeous Scandinavian blonde,blue eyes,large ..er..eyes, said she'd go out for a date. Picked her up rode around,listening to her breathing hard and noticing the way she would occasionnaly grab and squeeze my ribs with her head pressed into my back.I swear I had no idea what was going on. She told me that she needed something to drink so we rode into the parking lot of my home town's local burger joint(spared no expense).I was like a proud dude, being able to show off this beautiful girl in front of my friends, and have them thinking of,(as well as me ), of the big night to come.  So, kickstand down,with 2 other things on my mind, I went to get off the bike,swinging my right leg up and over the seat where no one usually is, and kicked her square in the side of the helmet,knocking her not only off the bike,but out cold.People inside side it and called the first aid squad,those that weren't laughing. So besides my friends laughing their a$$e$ off, I went home alone(she called her sister).To make matters worse,2 days later,it made the local papers as."girl injured in motorcycle incident."Lesson learned. Every time I start thinking I'm that cool, I remind myself of that night and even though I was unlucky that night, I was pretty lucky. But I really would have liked to see them,I remember that too.

I really feel your pain.  That sounds like the stupid chit I would pull.

[1abastarsmda]

At 16 I was taking a date, her brother and girlfriend to Winterland in S. F. to a concert. I ended up totaling my parents car in the heart of the city and unbeknownst to me, her brother had a pound of pot he was taking to the concert to sell. I made him get it out of the car before the police came and he put it in a mailbox on the corner not more than 20' from us. Needless to say, with all the police and tow trucks around the mailman showed up! Nervously awaiting his responce as he opened the box, he gazed upon the stash, looked at us, looked at the police and slowly loaded the mail and baggies filled with pot into his bag. He just closed the box, grinned, waived at us and departed. I never saw either of them again but heard she married and moved to Montana and he ended up in San Quintin prison for dealing heroin.

Wow!  Did I say "Wow"?  I thought you were going to say the mailman took the mail and left it behind.  I guess there wasn't much your girlfriend's brother could do at that point.  Bummer for him, but good move for everyone getting rid of it.

[Sean M Cary]

See - those of us that were really cool, would have recovered from the initial embarrassment, done mouth to mouth and chest compressions...while lying on her to keep her warm.

Or maybe that is just what a deranged sex fiend would do - I get them confused a lot.

Carpe Diem

Sean

Being one of the few "cool" guys that rode a motorcycle(Honda 550-4 cylinder), the girls lined up for rides,something to do with the shaking seat syndrome.Anyway, gorgeous Scandinavian blonde,blue eyes,large ..er..eyes, said she'd go out for a date. Picked her up rode around,listening to her breathing hard and noticing the way she would occasionnaly grab and squeeze my ribs with her head pressed into my back.I swear I had no idea what was going on. She told me that she needed something to drink so we rode into the parking lot of my home town's local burger joint(spared no expense).I was like a proud dude, being able to show off this beautiful girl in front of my friends, and have them thinking of,(as well as me ), of the big night to come.  So, kickstand down,with 2 other things on my mind, I went to get off the bike,swinging my right leg up and over the seat where no one usually is, and kicked her square in the side of the helmet,knocking her not only off the bike,but out cold.People inside side it and called the first aid squad,those that weren't laughing. So besides my friends laughing their a$$e$ off, I went home alone(she called her sister).To make matters worse,2 days later,it made the local papers as."girl injured in motorcycle incident."Lesson learned. Every time I start thinking I'm that cool, I remind myself of that night and even though I was unlucky that night, I was pretty lucky. But I really would have liked to see them,I remember that too.

[Trapperdog]

See - those of us that were really cool, would have recovered from the initial embarrassment, done mouth to mouth and chest compressions...while lying on her to keep her warm.

Or maybe that is just what a deranged sex fiend would do - I get them confused a lot.

Carpe Diem

Sean

You'r pretty funny for a LtCol  Just noticed I previously forgot the FUNNY

[SE-Randy]

I was living in Destin, Fl in ’84. There was a good sandwich shop that I frequented. The manager was real cute and a real smart a**, I am no slouch there either, so we razed each other a lot.
Months go by and I walk in to the Hog’s Breath Saloon one night and it is packed, standing room only. I look around for anyone I know so I could join in their table and there was the girl from the sandwich shop. I strolled up and said scoot over *itch. 18 months later we were married. I knew I should have turned around when I saw it was so crowded.

[GregKhougaz]

Best story.

[Sean M Cary]

You'r pretty funny for a LtCol  Just noticed I previously forgot the FUNNY

Man, I was all hot and bothered when you called me pretty.  At 6'6" and 260 nobody calls me pretty that often.

Damn, please ignore the roses and "toys" when they arrive.

Sean

[sadunbar]

Best story.

Holy crap, Greg!  How did you pull that off?  Nice work!