"Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
~~ Woody Allen~~
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances
for a date on Saturday night."
~~Rodney Dangerfield~~
(1921-2004; Thanks for all the laughs)
"There are a number of mechanical devices which
increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
~~Lynn Lavner ~~
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
~~ Camille Paglia~~
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation.
The other eight are unimportant."
~~ George Burns ~~
"Women might be able to fake orgasms....
But, men can fake a whole relationship."
~~ Sharon Stone ~~
"Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men
dressed like black pimps."
~~ Tiger Woods~~
"My mother never saw the irony
in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
~~Jack Nicholson ~~
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks,
or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex,
no matter how bad it is."
~~Barbara Bush ~~
(Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of
humor)
"Ah, yes,! divorce ...
from the Latin word meaning
to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
~~Robin Williams ~~
"Women need a reason to have sex.
Men just need a place."
~~ Billy Crystal ~~
"According to a new survey,
women feel more comfortable undressing in front of men
than they do undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental,
where, of course, men are just grateful."
~~Robert De Niro ~~
"There's a new medical crisis.
Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling.
So, what's the problem?"
~~ Dustin Hoffman~~
&n bsp;
"There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men think, 'I know what I'm doing.
Just show me somebody naked'."
~~Jerry Seinfeld ~~
"See, the problem is that God gives men
a brain and a penis,
and only enough blood to run one at a time."
~~Robin Williams ~~
" It's been so long since I've had sex,
I've forgotten who ties up whom."
~~ Joan Rivers ~~
" Sex is one of the most wholesome,
beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
~~ Steve Martin ~~
" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day
by a middle-aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
~~ Emo Phillips ~~
" Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Monogamy is the same."
~~Oscar Wilde ~~
" It isn't premarital sex
if you have no intention of getting married."
~~ George Burns ~~
Author
Topic: Some Classic Quotes (Read 724 times)