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[Special_Ed]

Tommy,
I've never been in a situation like you are going thru at the present, so really can't offer you much advice. What I can offer you is an ear to listen if you ever need it. If you ever want to talk don't hesitate to send a PM and I'll give you my phone number.

For those of you that have responded that have been thru similar situations I thank you for sharing w/Tommy at this difficult time in his life. Of all the things we discuss/share on this forum I'm proud of things like this the most. How we come together in the hour of need for all the Bro's and Sis' on this board never stops amazing me. I'm so proud to be a member of this CVOHarley family and I thank each and every one of you for being there for each other. God Bless you one and all.

 
Ride Safe,
Fired00d
 

Well said Gary, if we can't lend a hand or an ear we might as well just log off. Sometimes life demands a little more from each of us.

Tommy, if I could add one more thing. You have primary custody, that alone is worth everything else. That is the only thing I wanted and couldn't get. MA doesn't care too much for Dads. This past year I've been able to spend a lot more time with my kids. They are at an age when they have a better idea of who's telling them the truth. Enjoy your time with your daughter. Be strong for her.

Take Care,
Ed




 

[hard10]

Tommy, I was there 6 years ago. It SUCKED! My wife of 10 years decided she no longer wanted to be in a marriage with me. I remember all to well that hole I felt in the middle of my chest. Others have already mentioned the advice I could give: take time for yourself. Keep yourself occupied. Tend to your daughter's needs. Exercise a lot; it helped me to remember that I needed to get my body back in shape so that others would find me attractive. Don't drink to solve your problems, it won't work. And most importantly remember that you have real friends here that even though you may have never meet us, do care about you and your well being. Rely on us, talk to some of us that have gone through it so you don't make the same mistakes.
AJ

[tommyo]

There is no fight with our daughter. This is her home. When my ex gets settled she can come and go as she wishes (our daughter). There is absolutly no fight on that. We both agree this is best.

[MJZ]

Tommy, I was there 6 years ago. It SUCKED! My wife of 10 years decided she no longer wanted to be in a marriage with me. I remember all to well that hole I felt in the middle of my chest. Others have already mentioned the advice I could give: take time for yourself. Keep yourself occupied. Tend to your daughter's needs. Exercise a lot; it helped me to remember that I needed to get my body back in shape so that others would find me attractive. Don't drink to solve your problems, it won't work. And most importantly remember that you have real friends here that even though you may have never meet us, do care about you and your well being. Rely on us, talk to some of us that have gone through it so you don't make the same mistakes.
AJ

I thought that was just me that did that. I realized I was going back on the market and needed to get my couch potato (potatoe for you Dan Quale fans) butt back into shape. It worked until I found myself in a rebound relationship, where I proceeded back to the couch to assume my TV position with the coveted remote.

[SirMichael]

 To all you guys that have shown your support, Thanks , Tommy is a friend of mine and he can definitly use the support!! I grew up with him, I've known both of them for along time. They are both great people and great parents.
 Niether of them have done anything wrong, she just seem to have fallen out of love, she doesn't know why, but just like she says, her heart is not in it the same anymore. She doesn't want to keep living a relationship that she is not in it 100%.
 Tommy always put her happiness before his, that was just his way. Now he doesn't know what to do, because he can't do that anymore!! I am tring to tell him that it is time for him to worry about him for a change. Lifes not over, it's just a new chapter, take it day by day and see what new adventures are awaiting for You!!

 Tommy has been on motorcycles all his life, he has hit the ground many times and always has gotten up, sometimes slower than others, but always has gotten up again!! This is one of those times, it might take him awhile, but I will make sure he is up.

 I know things will be tough for Tommy, for all of them, but don't worry guys, I will keep Tommy riding and keep him going in the right direction

                                       Thanks for all of your support guys,
                                     Tommy really appreciates all of it, and
                                      as his friend, I do to

                                                              Thanks
                                                                     Mike
 

[Hoist!]

Hey man, hang in there. It happened to me after 25 years married and 28 together. The last 5 or so, we kinda just went thru the motions. We couldn't take it anymore and called it quits. The kids stayed with me in the house and I put them thru college. Spent a little time in the bars and you-know-whating around. But then I met Binx and realized it all happened for a reason. A new lease on life with a woman I love deeply now! So hang in there Bro. Just keep riding to keep your head clear and it will all work out in the end!

Hoist!

[Bubba]

Tommy hang there like Hoist says,  as I read a lot of the posts here I too realized that this is a small world and life does goes on.  The best advice that I can give you is to get involved in a good church,  they have good divorce counseling help supports groups.   HANG IN THERE.  Life gets better.

~bubba~

[tommyo]

Going back to work today. She found a place and is moving out in about 2 weeks. I feel like I've been thrown under a bus. Like Mike says in all the years of racing I've hit the ground alot and sometimes pretty hard. I've always gotten up. This one really knocked the chit out of me! The tough part is that I still really love her. Letting her go is the hardest thing I've ever done! Not only am I losing my wife but I'm also losing my best friend.

[RJ749]

Man Tommy, this is bringing back a lot of feelings I had when I went through this.  I had forgotten how down I got and hurt you get when going through this.

Like everyone has said, there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is dim now, you just need to try to keep your mind on other stuff (difficult) and get through it day by day.  It truly does get better, a lot better in many cases.

[bpalmersheim]

I'm sorry that I can't sympathize on divorce.  I have been hurt many times and while it take a lot to get up and start over the benefits are sometimes worth the loss.

I waited late to get married and married a woman that was divorced and has one child.  In fact we were dating/living together for about 10 years before we were married.

We are happy and now have 2 additional children.

On the lighter side, take a look at this thread on another forum: http://www.hdforums.com/m_2119465/tm.htm

Please let us know if you need anything or if you need someone to talk to!

[CVOJOE]

Been there and done that, but not that long a period of togetherness.

It's a tough time, and there's already some good advice here, but it's sooooooo important to take care of yourself physically and mentally during the stress. Easy to go off the excess off ramp and get into chemicals big time.
It's hard to accept now but life does goes on and you'll learn and benefit from it all, but while it's going on it sux big time.  Worst thing is if there are kids involved, we partial grown-ups heal and move on but kids do get some deep scars and need some real attention.

Time will heal most of it and the lawyers get the most postive cash flow out of the whole mess. Keep you chin up and knees in the breeze as much as you can. Your support network is standing by. 

Joe

[Rides2007Harley]

Sorry to hear that.  Eventually things will work out for the best, they always do.

I have never went through what you are but I know that it would be very difficult.  I wish you well.

[Gettinold]

Going back to work today. She found a place and is moving out in about 2 weeks. I feel like I've been thrown under a bus. Like Mike says in all the years of racing I've hit the ground alot and sometimes pretty hard. I've always gotten up. This one really knocked the chit out of me! The tough part is that I still really love her. Letting her go is the hardest thing I've ever done! Not only am I losing my wife but I'm also losing my best friend.

Tommy
I cant understand this kind of behavior of the human,  especially when there is childern involved.
Hopefully some good will become of it for you somehow in the future. Always remember and respect her and yourself for being the parents of your child, thats what counts, she may still be able to be your "Best Friend".

        Dave

[tommyo]

We are working on staying friends. We have to for our daughter. There is going to be times of hate and madness when we start to bring relationships into our lives but past that we have to remain friends.

[harleydiva]

We are working on staying friends. We have to for our daughter. There is going to be times of hate and madness when we start to bring relationships into our lives but past that we have to remain friends.

Tommy, that is wonderful.  My ex and I stayed friends...we have one daughter.  If you can maintain an amicable relationship, it will be better for all concerned, especially your daughter.

You may find that there may not be hate or madness when you start bringing relationships into your lives.  Typically it does change things, but it does not have to be negative. 

As the other wonderful members on this site have already said, take good care of yourself, don't isolate yourself, but don't jump into another relationship. 

This too shall pass.  All of us who have been through divorces can attest to the fact that when we were at the point where you are now we may have thought the pain would never end, but it does.  Happier days will come.   It's hard to be patient and positive, but try to focus on all of the good things in your life and look to the future. 

Always remember that everyone walks across your life for a reason; everything happens for a reason.