A young Navy Sailor hits port in Australia for the first time and decides to see the town. He goes on several tours and sees most of what the area has to showcase, but he wants to have a few drinks before heading back to the ship. He reaches in his pocket and realizes he is nearly penniless by now. So he shrugs it off as a sign and starts for the docks. On the last street before the pier, he sees a run down shanty bar with a sign in the window that states "free beer to anyone who can pass the test". He thinks to himself that this is his last chance to wet his throat for the next 3 months, so he heads in ready for the challenge.
He notices the place to be fairly busy run down and rather rowdy, but approaches the bartender anyways and yells out,"WHAT'S THE TEST FOR THE FREE BEER?".
The bartender tells him, "Well, there's currently 3 parts to it. First you have to swallow down this here 1 litre bottle of Outback moonshine without making a face. The second part is a little more risky, we have an ol' pet Crocodile out behind the bar with a sore tooth, you gotta pull that tooth. Now if ya' manage to make it through that mate, we've got an old lady upstairs that hasn't had the embrace of a man in 20 years, she's fixin' to pass on soon and asked for her last wish that we find her a bloak to treat her right one last time"
The sailor startled and disgusted at this thought starts to turn to leave, then thinks for a second about it and figures that at the worst, he'll be hammered off the free bottle of moonshine and just head back to the ship. So he accepts the bartender's offer.
The bar tender sets the bottle on the counter and the whole place goes silent. People gather around as the sailor takes the bottle and chugs it down. He does his best not gag over the terrible taste and manages to keep a straight face. He then takes a few deep breathes and sits on the stool for a moment to get his composure together, but begins to feel the effects nearly instantly. The room starts to spin and he figures he's going to pass out, but manages to shrug it off.
Everyone continues watching him as he staggers to his feet and stumbles out the back door and slams it behind himself. All of a sudden the back of bar erupts sounding like a war zone, The whole back wall is shaking and they can hear screaming, shrieking, foul cursing and the crocodile's roaring and hissing. The noise continues for a few more moments with various roaring, screaming and splashing until eventually the sounds slowly die down. The the only remaining noise is the whispering of the folks in the bar trying to get the courage up to go retrieve the poor sailor's dead body. Suddenly the back door creaks back open and the sailor crawls back in on his hands and knees. He's covered in bloody bite marks and scratches from head to toe, his clothes are ripped to shreds and barely hanging on him anymore. The crowd looks in disbelief as he makes his way to the edge of the bar and pulls himself up the edge to face the bartender and slurs out,"Okay,... wheerrresss th..th.the old lady with the sore toooth at?.."
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Topic: Australian Drinking Test (Read 424 times)