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[iski]

The Female Merit System

 

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points
for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the system is set up.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed. (+1)
* You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

* You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
* In the rain. (+8)
* But return with Beer. (-5)

* You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
* You pummel it with iron rod. (+10)
* It's her pet. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

* You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
* You stay by her side for a while and then leave to chat with a college buddy. (-2)
* Named Tina. (-10)
* Tina is a dancer. (-20)
* Tina has silicone implants. (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

* You take her out to dinner. (+2)
* You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
* Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
* And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

* You take her to a movie. (+1)
* You take her to a movie she likes. (+3)
* You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
* You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
* It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

* You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
* You say, "It doesn't matter; you have one too." (-1000)

VALENTINE'S DAY

* Give her chocolate (+10)
* Give her money (+100)
* Give her diamonds (+1000)
* Give her fake diamonds (-1000)
* Give her Victoria Secret Panties (-2000)

THE BIG QUESTION

* She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]
* You hesitate in responding. (-10)
* You reply, "Where?" (-35)
* Any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION

* When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)
* You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+50)
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-1000)

 

 

[nidan]

Geez with mine it's all expected , no + points , and if you do something she hasn't made up a rule for yet , you still get minus points.

At least she doesn't stop me from spending $ on the bike

[HogBreath]

Geez with mine it's all expected , no + points , and if you do something she hasn't made up a rule for yet , you still get minus points.

At least she doesn't stop me from spending $ on the bike

YET

[iski]

YET

They cannot stop what they do not know.

[HogBreath]

They cannot stop what they do not know.

Forgiveness is easier than permission.

[iski]

Forgiveness is easier than permission.

Wise words.

Sometimes when 'she who notices every new do-dad on the bike no matter how small or hidden' says "How much did that cost?" I tell her "more than $.12 and less than $1,000."  Usually.

[HogBreath]

And that actually works iski?

Might as well demand sex while you're at it.

[iski]

And that actually works iski?

Might as well demand sex while you're at it.

Hells bells, HogBreath, I did not say it worked. 

Nothing works and I am doomed.  Might as well enjoy it. 

Besides, after half a block, the pipes have drowned out her yelling from the driveway.  Not really.  Almost, though.

[HogBreath]

iski,

I can't relate at all. My wife never screams or raises her voice at me. She's always ok if I ride too long, if I buy too much chrome, or drink too much. Shes always waiting for me at the door with a cold beer and helps me take my boots off. She sits a warm plate of food in my lap and tells me how lucky she is. You must be doing something wrong.

[iski]

iski,

I can't relate at all. My wife never screams or raises her voice at me. She's always ok if I ride too long, if I buy too much chrome, or drink too much. Shes always waiting for me at the door with a cold beer and helps me take my boots off. She sits a warm plate of food in my lap and tells me how lucky she is. You must be doing something wrong.

Humph.  Double humph.

I heard about wimmens like that.  Figgered they were fictional.  You done gone and caught one.  Mine will bring me a beer occasionally. 

I do everything wrong.  Back when I tried to understand wimmens, I cared.  I gave up that affliction long ago.

[HogBreath]

She took forever to get me a beer this weekend as I sat on the porch. I was just about to complain, but, figured I'd let her finish mowing that section of the yard first.

[Coolbreeze]

Sounds like my house... 

I was setting on the porch this Sunday, waiting for my iced tea and the neighbor come over an sez, what are ya making her mow the lawn for?  you should be hung fer that! 
I said, "I am, that's why she's mowin!"

Really though, mine usually asks after me and makes sure I've got all I need/want, and she actually feels bad if she thinks I'm lacking something.  I love it!  "Course, I feel the same way and ask the same questions....   I guess that's why I married a gal a decade and a half younger than me...   

[nidan]

Mine has 4 horses she shows , so she doesn't have any room to bitch about what I spend on the bike

[ccr]

Mine has 4 horses she shows , so she doesn't have any room to bitch about what I spend on the bike

When I was growing up in the prairies of Saskatchewan, all four of us kids had horses.  Not expensive ones, just plain riding horses like us poor prairie folks would have.  But me and my horse were pretty good at the gymkhana events and so we would travel around a little bit (we didn't have a trailer so travel was limited to where I could ride to) and enter into the gymkhana events at the local fairs, rodeos and events like this.  I used to pocket all the winnings and would use this money for entrance fees for the next events and for getting treats at the events.  My parents on the other hand, had at least four horses to feed, buy tack for and of course four kids who all needed new boots, jeans, shirts and hats every year.  I think back on those days and can't imagine how they ever did it.  I'm sure their income bracket never exceeded 20,000/year.  We were not farmers so we did not grow our own oats or hay.  And a horse is not a cheap feed. 

[JesterDecor]

iski,

I can't relate at all. My wife never screams or raises her voice at me. She's always ok if I ride too long, if I buy too much chrome, or drink too much. Shes always waiting for me at the door with a cold beer and helps me take my boots off. She sits a warm plate of food in my lap and tells me how lucky she is. You must be doing something wrong.

Have we met???