Howdy, Harley18, and welcome.
I'm in SoCal, and had heat issues on my CVOs also. The best thing I've ever done was to install a Jagg fan assisted oil cooler. It keeps the oil temps much cooler than the crappy stock cooler. Unfortunately, on a Softail, the oil cooler will have to be mounted on the frame down tube, where it will be an eyesore. At least on the Touring models, the Jagg coolers can be mounted low, where the old coolers were.
As people have mentioned already:
Jagg fan assisted oil cooler... You could even put on two, one on each side. I would do this first, since there is no stock oil cooler on Softails.
New mufflers (I believe the catalytic conv is in the mufflers on Softails)
Good tuner
Wards Parts Werks fans (only if the first three things don't solve the problem. These fans keep the cylinder head temps cooler in stopped or slow traffic, but don't help much if you're moving well. Plus, they increase rider discomfort in stop-and-go traffic by increasing the amount of hot air coming up off the engine.)