The Grim Reaper came for me last night but I beat him off with the vacuum cleaner....
Talk about Dyson with death.
Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?...
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed....
At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said "you’re obviously not listening."
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you.
She said "is that you or the beer talking?".....
I replied "it's me talking to the beer."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Hi mate texting you from A & E - turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
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Topic: Laughter lines (Read 794 times)