Biker 101
How to not be such a R.U.B/Wanna be/Poser.
O.K., so, you are a RUB. So what? No big deal. I don't give a crap. To me a RUB is just a different kind of biker. The problem is that sometimes RUBs get really annoying trying to be more like a "real biker" (whatever that is). These rules should help you keep from pissing off those "real bikers" while you learn the ropes.
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Rule #1
Don't call me bro'... ever. I am not and probably never will be your "bro". You have not earned the right. Just because you read in your copy of (insert magazine name here) that "bikers" call each other bro' does NOT mean you have to run out and find somebody with a Harley and call him bro' so you can be a biker too.
Here's why:
You have never pulled an all nighter with me.
You have never helped me fix my bike on the side of the road. (in the rain)
You have never wasted your weekend helping me dig through a junk pile looking for that one little part that is just the thing I need to get my bike running.
You have never loaned me the tool that I didn't have so I could put that part on.
Are you starting to get the picture? Just remove the word bro' from your vocabulary. Trust me on this one.
Rule #2
Having a fancy custom bike that somebody else built for you or having a brand new bike with only 3 digits on the odometer does NOT make you a biker. You may be a biker and own one of the above but that is not what made you a biker.
In my mind a biker is a person who loves to ride their bike just for the pure fun of riding it. Getting out in the air and seeing the world in person and not through a window. Or hell, maybe you just have a thing for getting popped in the face by bugs at 60mph.
A biker, to me is NOT someone who got a bike just so they can look cool or because the guy down the road has one and you need a bigger/prettier one to prove you are somebody important. If this sounds like you, sell your bike. You'll never make it.
If you have ever been depressed because you rode your bike and nobody saw you, hang it up. You are a world class RUB. Once again, sell your bike. Maybe what you need is a Porsche instead.
Rule #3
Don't think you are king of the crap pile because you have some fancy hog that cost more than 3 of my bikes. Just because I'm on a Sportster or a chopper or a rat doesn't mean I deserve less respect. Matter of fact it doesn't make a hill of beans to me what kind of bike you are on. Granted, I have a thing for American made bikes but that doesn't mean you have to. If you are on two wheels (or three) I feel an instant kinship with you. Especially if you don't screw it up by breaking one of these rules (grin). I give a wave or a nod to EVERY rider I see when I am on the road. I don't care if he/she on the latest crotch rocket from Japan or on a full dressed Harley. He/she is dealing with the same idiots on the road that I am and doing it on two wheels. That's good enough for me. Maybe I'm over friendly but it really chaps my butt when I pull up next to somebody on their hog and give 'em a nod or a wave and they ignore me because I'm not on what they consider a "cool" bike. Get a life. Funny thing is that I have never failed to get a wave back from somebody on a non Harley. Maybe they have more brotherhood going than us Harley riders do. Are you ashamed yet?
Rule #4
You know that pretty new tool bag on your forks? Put some tools in it. A cell phone and a gold card are NOT a tool kit.
Want to be annoying? Just have somebody pull over on the side of the road to help you with your broken down bike and not have any tools. That will do the trick. Try to get at least the basics. A pair of good pliers, wrenches that fit most of the bolts/nuts on your bike, a couple of screw drivers, a full set of hex (Allen) wrenches, a flat repair kit, a small pocket knife and a good rag.
Want to really impress me? Add these: Spare spark plugs, some electrical wire (just a couple of feet), some electrical tape (half a roll is pretty small and can save your butt), a spark plug wrench, vice-grips, a couple of feet of bailing wire or a couple of "zip ties" can work miracles, a small wire brush for cleaning electrical contacts/spark plugs and for extra points a small flashlight with GOOD batteries.
This is what I try to carry if I am going any farther than the city limits. Yes it all fits in my tool bag.
Going on a long trip? Got a little extra storage room like maybe saddle bags? Add these: A Clymer or other such repair bible for your bike, a socket wrench and sockets, a bigger flashlight and for a gold star get a small voltage tester/ohm meter.
Every bit of this will fit in the bottom half of one decent sized saddle bag.
Rule #5
Sell your trailer and RIDE YOUR BIKE. It's as simple as that. That bike you bought has wheels on it for a reason. If you want to be a real biker you can't do it driving your "Good Times" van with the bike being towed behind like some kind of midlife crisis pull toy.
Rule #6, the big one
NEVER ride on past a person on the side of the road with a broken down bike. Even if you haven't got a clue how to fix a loose mirror on your best day. At least stop and see if you can call somebody for them from the next gas station. Who knows they may stop for you some day. Pass 'em by and I promise they won't.
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Topic: Biker 101 (Read 4636 times)