Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[tommyo]

How to cope... my wife is leaving me after nearly 17 years of marrige. Been together 24+ years. Her heart is not in it anymore. I'm lost and in the dark. Could use a few friends.

Tommy O

[bisounours]

I send you my sympathy .
Do not forget, after the night comes the day

Jacques

[Special_Ed]

Tommy,
I feel for you, I was there 5 years ago. I know they're just words but time will help. Try not to get bitter and take of yourself first. Life is dark right now but it will get better.

Take care,
Ed

[RJ749]

Tommy,

Nothing much hurts more when you hear it.

I was in the same boat 12 years ago, she'd been there a couple times before but decided it was over for sure and I wasn't willing to keep trying to "fix" it any longer.  23 years of marriage and 29 of knowing each other, she bailed just when I thought we had it made.

Ultimately I found my wonderful wife Cindy and also found out while I thought I was happy and had a great marriage the first time, I really had no idea what a good marriage truly is.  I do now and most if not all of the guys I speak with who went through their wife leaving have found the same thing.

Hang in there buddy, it really does get better with time and you'll decide on what to do next soon enough.

PM me anytime just to chat if you like.

Rog

[nidan]

Hang in there bro ,  I was married for 24 years as well and we have now been divorced 5.
The worst part is being apart from my kids, my son is now in college so that is tough on both.

Life is impermanence.  My best advice is stay amicable , despite the pain.

I have searched my soul many times wondering what I could have done different , and never really have come up with anything that would have changed it.

Hang with your friends, you will know the true ones as you go through this, ride often  it clears the blues.

[SEEG Geezer]

Stay strong Tommy O........our thoughts are with you. I know it's got to be tough.

[tommyo]

thanks all! it's going to be tuff for a while

[Seegarsmkr]

Wholly Sheit Tommy,
I can only imagine...I know only from a child's perspective but it must be a hugely painful process.  If you want to get away for a bit I will be moving into my new house on September 5th...it will get you a different perspective, for sure, as I live in Germany now.  The women here are either HUGE or perfect there are ample of both.  I won't have my bike for about a month or two yet, but if I have space you have a place, if not now...the invite is OPEN!!!

Seegarz

[Hobo]

Tommy,
   When I read your post I was thinking the same thing as Special Ed and Roger, listen to them, they do know what they are talking about. I just got done with a nasty two year long divorce in December after being together 15 years. Like Roger, it was always up to me to fix whatever was wrong and try to smooth things over. I guess they get to a point where they don't even want to try anymore. I know it feels like someone is twisting a knife in your belly, but try to keep your chin up, things will get better and you will get to feeling better. Again, like Roger, I was surprised that in a short period of time I came to realize that I was happier without her, of course she is a raving post-menapausle (sp) lunatic. Did I say that out loud?
   Like Ed said, take care of yourself, try to eat right, get the sleep that your body needs and if you drink, try not to drink too much too often. I wish there was something more I could say to help. Take care brother. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

Hobo

[erniezap]

It's always tough at first:  feeling lost, neglected, alone, etc.  I can tell you from experience that it gets better.  Stay positive, know that you have friends, and things will turn out better than you think.  Time heals, bro.

[Midnight Rider]

Tommy...this is a painful process, no matter the circumstances.  24 years of marriage for me, and 30 together, now 4 divorced.  It's hard sometimes to understand what happened, but try and remember that is is no one person's fault, so place no blame on either yourself or her.  Give yourself some time to heal, talk to those one or two REAL friends you have...true friends will see you through this painful time in your life and out the other side.  Do a few things you've been wanting to do but didn't because of having to worry about another person...cut yourself some slack, most of all.  If necessary, see your doctor and get some temporary help through the next few months...no shame in that, bro.  Be careful not to let yourself slide down into those dark places we can all go. 

Don't consider it a loss, but just another step in life, and one you will learn from.  You'll be a happier person before this is all over with, and there is no doubt that there is a good woman/partner out there waiting on a man just like you...just give things some time.

[MJZ]

Tommy I feel for you brother. I think we have all been where you are now. Remember you are at the worst point right now, it may not seem like it but it does get much better.
Beware of two mistakes I made, don't run out and grab a lady just to fill the emptiness and to comfort the loss of having someone there (a good dog is a much better companion). And the other mistake I made was to get very bitter channeling my hurt and loneliness into hate and resentment for my wife as I blamed her. It took me quite awhile and some help to learn to accept the fact that it was more my fault than hers. If you play the blame game, you always loose.Terry is absolutely right, spend quality time with your true one or two friends, not complaining to them, just enjoy their companionship and friendship. It may not seem like it but this is a chance to learn (or relearn) to really like yourself and your true friends. I know it's hard and remember most of us have been down that road so we are here for you.
God bless and remember, it gets much better with time. Take small steps and before you know it, it passes and you'll feel  better.

Mark

[harleyteam]

been there done that. after 14 years,, she decided she never had a chance to sow her wild oats I guess.

But like they all said,,,, IT GETS BETTER.  8 years after the big D, I meet the second Mrs.(came complete with her own Harley)  we've been married now for 11 years and couldn't be happier.  we do almost everything together.

but in the mean time,,, just remember : Women will come and women will go, BUT ,,,  HARLEYS ARE FOREVER

[tommyo]

Thanks again for the support! To make a long story short she said her heart ain't in it no more, We have been like this for a while. It happened about 8-10 years ago too. Counciling helped her last time and so did her dad. Not interested in it this time. She says she has to try to hard to be in this marrige were it is just natural for me. We have are highs and great times but can fall into our lows very easily. We she is a great mom and and great house keeper and works full time and we had plenty of time to ride and have adult time bit still something was missing. She doesn't know how or why or even when it happened it just did. I love her so and she can't give it back. Our daughter is 11 and is just as hurt as I am. She will survive, we are great parents and she is the best kid. My wife or soon to be ex really want's nothing other than to move on with her life and making sure our daughter is taken care of. I'm getting cutody (primary reidence) and we have joint cutody. She is going to get an appartment. I just filed yesturday she has not been served yet. She gets some of my pention and half of the equity of the home. I' m pretty happy with that. She as of now is not dragging me through the mud. She is conserned about our daughter. I will survive but I am having a hard time getting off my knees.

[Fired00d]

Tommy,
I've never been in a situation like you are going thru at the present, so really can't offer you much advice. What I can offer you is an ear to listen if you ever need it. If you ever want to talk don't hesitate to send a PM and I'll give you my phone number.

For those of you that have responded that have been thru similar situations I thank you for sharing w/Tommy at this difficult time in his life. Of all the things we discuss/share on this forum I'm proud of things like this the most. How we come together in the hour of need for all the Bro's and Sis' on this board never stops amazing me. I'm so proud to be a member of this CVOHarley family and I thank each and every one of you for being there for each other. God Bless you one and all.

 
Ride Safe,
Fired00d