The difference between the North and the South - at last....clearly explained.
The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General .
The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses
.
The North has dating services, the South has family
reunions.
The North has switchblade knives; the South
has .45's
The North has double last names; the South has
double first names.
The North has Indy car races; The
South has stock car races .
North has Cream of Wheat ,
the South has grits.
The North has green salads, the
South has collard greens .
The North has lobsters, the
South has crawfish .
The North has the rust belt; the
South has the Bible Belt .
FOR
NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . ....
In
the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain
will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of
their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be
surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do
not buy food at this store.
Remember, 'Y'all' is
singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural
possessive.
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round
here, are ya?'
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will
be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried
at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep
into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective
'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their
Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial
about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school
is no longer proper .
Be advised
that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch
this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be
the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the
prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or
not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to
find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are
proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a
lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND
REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat
had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
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Topic: North and the South (Read 911 times)