Redneck caught his wife shaggin the neighbour so decided to kill her & himself. He puts a gun to his head, looks at wife & says "dont laugh u're ****ing next."
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Paddy finds a Sandwich with 2 Red wires stickin out of it, He phones the police & says 'Bejesus, i've found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb' The operator asks, 'Is it Tickin?' Paddy says, 'No,i tink it's Beef'
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A Doctor went fishing one afternoon and not wanting to close his Surgery, left his Assistant "Murphy' in charge.
The Doctor came back and asked Murphy, "how did you get on?" Murphy says, "i had 3 patients. The 1st had a headache so I give her Paracetamol."
"Good man" says the Doc.
"The 2nd had indigestion, so i gave her Gaviscon."
"Well done." said the Doc.
"The 3rd was a young gorgeous Woman who burst into the room, took off all her clothes and lay down on the table, spreads her legs and shouts "Please please help me, i haven't seen a Man in 5 years...!"
"Mother of ****, Murphy! What did you do?" asks the Doctor. . . . . .
Murphy says "i gave her Eyedrops!!"
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Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced it will be closing lanes 7 and 8.
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Paddy charges into the benefits offìce ."I've been ringing 0800 1730 for 2 days now . Why the **** doesn't anybody answer !" .
Girl replies . "Those are our opening times you daft C*nt !
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Topic: A few more (Read 602 times)