On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you
want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight
attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here,
find a seat and get in it!"
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot
said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the
appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane."
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business
as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a
flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the
overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To
operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how
to operate one, you probably shouldn't be
out in public unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with
more than one small child, pick your favourite."
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank
you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more
than Kulula Airlines."
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event
of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with
our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased
to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on
this flight!"
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :The
flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and
I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to
tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and
bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it.
After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with
your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our
airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain
Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline.
He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers
in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your
seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft
to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke
has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and
you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you
get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the
smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If
you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Author
Topic: Airline with a sense of humour (Read 717 times)