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[Midnight Rider]

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.

 

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

 

Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

 

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

 

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT." It just pops into your head.  There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there.  A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

 

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

 

"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.

 

"Hmm.! Let me see. A BLINK!  It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

 

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

 

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

 

Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch.  When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

 

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man.

 

"It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.

 

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

 

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

 

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom,  but, before I could  THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already chit in my pants."

 

Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

[HogBreath]

Actual Fast Food Job Application

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a fast-food establishment........

NAME:  Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION:  Reclining.  Ha ha.  But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:  Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY:  Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:  It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:  If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:  Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:  Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

 DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:  No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE:  Scorpio with Libra rising.

[Twolanerider]

I'd hire that kid.