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[Hobo]

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

[WFP]

Staash and Yaash are in a Blind with their friend's dog, duck hunting.

Staash turns to Yaash and says "why not a good day hunting, we get no ducks, why you think?"

Yaash replies "maybe we no throw dog high enough?"

[arcticdude]

A joke like that could only come from a woefully pathetic massachessetian!

[WFP]

A joke like that could only come from a woefully pathetic massachessetian!

or from a predominately polish section of a central connecticut city...

[Special_Ed]

A joke like that could only come from a woefully pathetic massachessetian!

Please! That's Massatuchian  (Mass-a-tuck-e-an)

[Scooter55]

      Disorder in the American Courts

           These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
           and are things people actually said in court, word for word,
           taken down and now published by court reporters that had the
           torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
           taking place.


           ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
           that morning?
           WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
           ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
           WITNESS: My name is Susan!
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
           WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
           WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
           all?
           WITNESS: Yes.
           ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
           WITNESS: I forget.
           ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
           you forgot?
           ___________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
           in voodoo?
           WITNESS: We both do.
           ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
           WITNESS: We do.
           ATTORNEY: You do?
           WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
           his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
           WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
           ____________________________________

           ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
           WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
           ___________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
           WITNESS: Are you chitt'in me?
           _________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
           8th?
           WITNESS: Yes.
           ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
           WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
           WITNESS: Yes.
           ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
           WITNESS: None.
           ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
           WITNESS: Are you chitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a
           different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
           WITNESS: By death.
           ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
           WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
           WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
           ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
           WITNESS: Guess.
           _____________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
           deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
           WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
           ______________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
           on dead people?
           WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would
           you like to rephrase that?
           ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
           you go to?
           WITNESS: Oral.
           _________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
           WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
           ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
           WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
           doing an autopsy on him!
           ____________________________________________

           ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
           WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
           ______________________________________

           And the best for last:

           ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
           check for a pulse?
           WITNESS: No.
           ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
           WITNESS: No.
           ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
           WITNESS: No.
           ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
           when you began the autopsy?
           WITNESS: No.
           ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
           WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
           ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
           nevertheless?
           WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
           practicing law

[Hugh Janis]

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

That bout nails it!  Almost too true to be funny!

[miker]

Please! That's Massatuchian  (Mass-a-tuck-e-an)

I always prefered a Masshole....At least that what I was called when I was working up nawth o pahtland.