> Some Observations on Life
>
> 1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and chithead's.
>
> 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
content.
>
> 3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
>
> 4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
it.
> I said, "Thyroid problem?"
>
> 5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.
>
> 6. Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
>
> 7. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
>
> 8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
>
> 9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
"terminal"?
>
> 10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
get elected.
>
> 11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.
>
> 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Marys.
>
> 13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you want to annoy for the
> rest of your life.
>
> 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
>
> 15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
>
> 16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive.
>
> 17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan
to attain world
> peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
>
> 18. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is
winning.
>
> 19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and
lottery tickets are always
> complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
>
> 20. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door
you're on.
>
> 21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a
peeing section in a swimming
> pool?
> 22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
>
> 23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
naked?
>
> 24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
>
> 25. Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words:
“Don't pick that up, you
> don't know where it's been."
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Topic: Observations on Life (Read 829 times)