Funny Insurance Claims
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
"The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.”
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before. "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
And Finally……..
"My car got hit by a submarine."
The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim. top
Misc
“My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.”
“He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.”
“It’s the dogs mess that I find really hard to swallow.”
“I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.”
“I wish to complain that my father has hurt his ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.”
“And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.”
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Topic: Quotes (Read 674 times)