You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the
lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on.
You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt
with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project
you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something
to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
_____
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry
your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean
clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab
of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just
might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout
lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running
the register.
_____
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.
Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash
your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it.
Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the
register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
_____
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long
enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put
on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to
Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking
in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register
is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is
spicy.
_____
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off
your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't
want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check
yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt
anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running
the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think
you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait
& Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'
_____
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose
the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered
when you were in your 50's.
You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the
hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
_____
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the
drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even
notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the
register smiles at you because you remind her of her
grandfather.
_____
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to
Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it
is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone
called out your name. You went to school with the old lady
who greeted you at the front door.
_____
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am
I? Who am I?
Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
Author
Topic: Men's age as determined by a trip to Home Depot... (Read 764 times)