The human body has 7 trillion nerves.......my wife manages to get on every freaking one of them.
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I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. They're brilliant...It makes the wife look like she’s actually moving during sex…
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My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate.
I was so shocked I almost tripped over my weiner.
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I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young female and drop dead gorgeous.
I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don't worry, I am a professional – I've seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I'll check it out.
I said, “My wife thinks that my penis tastes funny”
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I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal.
Dyslexic bitch , it turns out that she loves Alan, my best friend……
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A husband is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, “Don't enter that church, you damn fool !!!”
His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”
Husband replies, “Our f$%*ing wedding video”
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Life is like a penis....Soft and hanging freely....It’s women that make it hard
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I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper”
“Don't be silly,” she said “You can borrow my iPad”
That freaking spider never knew what hit it.
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I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform but she says she doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her butt sore.