Actually, Arnolds problems can be traced back to the legenday story of another prominent Austrian. This fellow countryman of Arnold also had many kids and also ended up fooling around with the household staff, in his case the nanny. Some of you may recall it better by it's popular stage name, "The Sound Of Music." Anyway, following that same vein, I took the liberty of applying the words and song of Rogers and Hammerstein to Arnolds situation.
I’ve got big arms
A strutting jaw
I’ve even dyed my hair,
I’m legendary at the gym
And folks just like to stare
I’m hoping this blows over soon
I’m hiding in my lair
I feel I’m not an asset to the family
I’d like to say I fill the world with hope
When really all I ever do is grope….
How do I solve my problem with Maria?
Why did I take my maid and pin her down?
How do I make it up to my Maria?
Terminator, Governator, Clown
Many a thing I know I should do different
Why is it I never seem to learn?
But how do I make amends
To family and friends
How do I save my own legend?
Oh how do solve my problem with Maria?
How do I make my own self understand?
She’s on Oprah, I feel used
And I think I’m going to lose
Then I’ll never know exactly who I am.
Feeling like I’m back on steroids
And my face is in the tabloids
Arnold really is big barbarian.
When I feel there is no hope
Both my hands they start to grope
And I’ll fondle any woman who is close
I’m unstable as the budget
And I want to scream “ Just F-it”
I’m an actor
I’m a father
I’m a man
Oh how do I solve my problem with Maria…….
How do I get myself to understand?