My condolences.
It is not your fault, don't blame yourself.
If your up to it, go for a ride, but don't ride "distracted".
We just did a memorial ride for a brother Fire Fighter killed 3 years ago in a horrific bike - truck accident, took 3 years before we were ready. And the person who was riding with him still feels responsible and doesn't ride anymore, it is tearing him up. We have been trying to convince him to get help, but it is falling on deaf ears. We deal with death and destruction everyday, but when it is up close and personal it takes on a differnt meaning.
You will never forget, and it will always be on your mind, time may not heal all the hurt, but will make it manageable. During our 800 mile memorial ride the memories of the accident were with us, and the thought of something happening during that ride really concerned me some, since I organized it, but in the end, the ride went off without a problem and we have a great memorial and memory now, that all of our brother fire fighters, friends and even the family members now share.
I couldn't find a patch that I liked, so I just had an embroiderer stitch up my vest
R.I.P.
Sal
1974-2003