This is the appropriate opportunity to remind all the men in the audience regarding "Woman-speak"
Finally! Here is a guide to what a woman really means when she says chit like "Fine" and "Nothing". Where was this chit when I was married?
Keywords and their meanings:
"Fine": This word is used at the end of any argument that the woman feels
she is right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe
how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so
it's an even trade.
"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"
is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a
woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a
few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you
are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are
one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let
me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last
night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the
nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to
you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies
that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring
ourselves to write about them.
"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and
hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have
done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in
conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near
future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble.
"Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell
the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.
"Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say,
"Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that
you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud
Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she
will only tell you "Nothing".
Congrats BTW!
Author
Topic: Q is tying the knot! (Read 3247 times)