While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card”.
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This may not be something to put on your résumé:
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
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"I'm finished with Judy!" John exclaimed to his friend. "She broke down and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year???"
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Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.
The funeral is set at 3:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.
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This guy said his son's teacher had told his son that his homework was unsatisfactory and he was to do it again. The kid said to the teacher, "That sucks!!!"
Upon hearing this reply, the teacher called the kid's mother and told him that he was going to have her son do his homework over, and, he was giving him some additional work because the kid used unacceptable language.
Whereas the mother replied, "Boy, that sucks, what did he say?"
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The Secret Service issued new rules of conduct for their agents on Friday.
They can no longer get drunk, procure hookers or go to strip bars.
The rules say that from now on, if agents feel compelled to engage in such behavior, they can run for public office like everyone else.
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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this but me."
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A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
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Topic: 8 unrelated jokes (Read 750 times)