Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[CVOJOE]

                  
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist  Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of  Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of  Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee  and to talk shop.
            
            
One day, someone made the  comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real  challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and  they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the  woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their  religion.
            
            
Seven days later, they all came  together to discuss their experiences.
            
            
Father Flannery, who had his arm  in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and  limbs, went first.
            
            
“Well”, he said, “I went into  the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to  him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me  and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water,  sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a  lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion  and confirmation”.
            
            
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next.  He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an  IV drip.
            
            
In his best fire-and-brimstone  oratory, he exclaimed, “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists  don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to  read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted  nothing to do with me.  So  I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill,  UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.  So I  quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you  said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day  praising Jesus.  Hallelujah”!
            
 
            
The Priest and the Reverend both  looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a  body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of  him. He was in really bad shape.
            
            
            
The Rabbi looked up and  said:    "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may NOT  have been the best way to start...."

  

[grayghost731]

 

[owl893]

the unkindest cut of all................

OWL

[Ironhorse]

the unkindest cut of all................

OWL

Thank you Marc Antony!

The other version I heard involved the FBI, ATF, and the LAPD.

All three agencies were called out to the edge of a forest. A Grizzly Bear was being sought for the killing of a local farmer. Each agency would be given one attempt.

The FBI went first. They notified all local agencies with a "Be On The Look Out" report. They installed motion sensors all around, and offered a 3 million dollar reward. They had three copters with heat imaging systems circle for hours scouring the landscape. They brought in animal trackers. Still no information on the bear.

The AFT went next. They sent in some agents and burned the whole forest down. Still no bear.

The LAPD went last. They sent in two motor cops. Fifteen mins later they came out with a coyote in handcuffs. They coyote was covered from head to toe in bruises and cuts. It was bleeding from the jaw and saying,...."All right,..I'm a BEAR,...I'm a BEAR,..."

[D-N-D]

 

[the jacobite]

 

[Skillet]

That's some good humor for today. Thanks.

[SG Racer]