1. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
2. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I
think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle
down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
3. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
porpoises that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out. So he had to go
out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on
the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over
them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
4. Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted
to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for
pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers
traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of
finest quality; their compasses were so bad that people often ended
up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is
the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as
saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long,
thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, instructing him
to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every
day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief
was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but
the malady lingers on."
7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on
complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely
saying, "I must have taken Lief off my census."
8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept
on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who
slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove
that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws
of the other two hides.
9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the
brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds
like these, who needs enemas?"
10. By the way, the guy who wrote these 9 puns entered them and one
other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose. As
they were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his
puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Author
Topic: Serious Pun-ishment (Read 861 times)