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[Midnight Rider]

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story.   Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris, Tennessee.  After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.   The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he  tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of  other patrons left the bar and drove off. 

Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles  left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. 
> 
>The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man 
>over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be  broken." 

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." 

[Chief]

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story.   Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris, Tennessee.  After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.   The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he  tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of  other patrons left the bar and drove off. 

Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles  left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. 
> 
>The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man 
>over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be  broken." 

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." 

De Coy Drunk


Legend:   A sober patron staggers out of the bar at closing time to lure police away from his drunken friends.

Example:   [Collected on the Internet, 1997]

A police officer was staking out a well-known bar to bust some potential DWI-ers. As it neared closing time, an extremely intoxicated man stumbled out of the bar and spent 30 minutes looking for his car. When all the other drivers had left, the drunk finally located his vehicle. He spent another 20 minutes fumbling for his keys and trying to unlock his car. Finally, he got in and eventually managed to start his car. As soon as he pulled away, the police officer went after him and pulled him over, giving him the breathalizer test. It came up negative. "How could this be?" the officer sputtered. "I saw you! You were falling all over the place!" The driver grinned and said, "Tonight I'm the Designated Decoy." 

Origins:   Told as a true story, this joke first appeared on the Internet in June 1996. It has since been reported as a bit of online lore in various newspapers — never exactly as a news story, but rather as a cute tale currently making the rounds.

Source: Snopes.com

Chief