This woman walks into a tattoo shop and asks for a tattoo of a Christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tattoo artist says "thats an unusual request. Why do you want two tattoos there?" She replies "because my husband needs to eat between Christmas and New Years."
*
'Twas The night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
So I took their stereo.
*
Three men die in a car accident Christmas eve.They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven.On entering they must present something Christmassy. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker , so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture , St. Peter asks "how do these represent Christmas?" Answer "they're Carol's."
*
One time Santa Claus was out delivering presents on Christmas morning, when he came to the house of a beautiful young woman. He slid down the chimney, and there she was waiting for him in her best bathrobe. "Merry Christmas, my dear," he said, "have you been a good girl all year?" "I certainly have!" she replied. So he put all her presents under the tree and said "Well, see you next year!" "But Santa," she said, "won't you stay with me for a little while?" "That's very sweet of you dear," said Santa Clause, "but I've got a lot of present's to deliver and I really have to be going." "But Santa," she said, "I've been waiting for you all year..." "Oh no, no, no," said Santa Clause, "there's lot's to be done by morning, and what would Mrs.Clause say?" "But Santa," she said slipping out of her robe, "just this once?" "Oh all right," he said, "I'll never make it back up the chimney now anyway."
*
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
*
Q. What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A. They go into to town and blow a few bucks.
*
Q. What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
A. Snowballs
*
Q. Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
A. Because the snowblower was coming down the block
HeHe!!! Merry "X"Mas all!!!
Hoist!
Author
Topic: A Lil "X"Mas Humor! (Read 434 times)