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[TN]

 craigslist posting someone found and linked.
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org <mailto:pers-982078099@craigslist.org>  [?]Date:2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend ' s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.

I ' d like to apologize. I didn ' t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn ' t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It ' s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn ' t it?

I know it probably wasn ' t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you ' d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I ' m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn ' t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go ' s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They ' ll be on your bill in case you ' d like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I ' ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don ' t know what ' s going on with that. I hope they haven ' t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA ' s office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I ' d like to make it up to you. I ' m sure you ' ve already washed your pants, so I ' d like to help you out. I ' d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I ' d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I ' m hoping that you ' ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you read this message, email me and we ' ll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

- Alex

[Dan_Lockwood]

This reminds me of Crocodile Dundee II when he and his gal are being mugged by the kid with a small knife.  Right about then Dundee said, "You think that's a knife? No, this is a knife."  And he pulls out his VERY LARGE knife from his back and the kid runs away.

Classic line.

[Steve_G]

What the world needs now is more Charlie Bronsons. 

[ridefar]

I love it! Every town needs a Paul Kearsey (the vigilante, played by Charles Bronson).

[Wildrat]

Should have shot it, to make sure it shoots straight.

[FUZZNUTS]

Damn, that was a good one.

[Glide-man]

What a great story.  It reminds me of a John Fogerty song ( Revival CD)." I think we need a Gunslinger"  I carry mine every were I go...

[planenut]

thats great   

[JoMo]

That was a good one strike ome up for the good guy's. 



                                 Jo Mo NYC

[springervett]

I'd like to here what "Momma" had to say.