Subject: Fw: 2008 Darwin Awards
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It's that time again...
The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor
given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.
This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.... HONEST!
Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
* * * * * * * * * * *
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because
he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not
surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
house
down, killing both him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
around
their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus
straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County
police
said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
trestle at Lake Accotink Park , jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone
because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was
'Major
trauma.'
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend
were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend
-- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -- was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
a
gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had
difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
into
his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found
of
the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
explosion.
The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of
as
''bright'' by his peers.
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, unfortunately, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded
in
the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators
finally
pieced together the mystery crash. An amateur rocket scientist ... had
somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a
solid
fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an
extra
'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy
Impala
out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He
attached
the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the
JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967
Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles
from
the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt
at
that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within 5
seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and
continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually
reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing
him
to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the
automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20
seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes,
blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface,
then
becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff
face
at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the
rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small
fragments
of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail
and
bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion
of
the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed
of
approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the
ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US AND THEY BREED &
VOTE...
SCARY, ISN'T IT?
Author
Topic: 2008 Darwin Awards (Read 572 times)