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Author Topic: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD  (Read 2227 times)

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jaymedic44

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AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« on: December 21, 2009, 12:15:18 PM »

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

 

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.


First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!


I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.


After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!


I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]


I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.


Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.


The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).


In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.


Have a good day! 
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex


P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!
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mrigeo

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2009, 06:18:47 PM »

Beautiful!!!  :bananarock: :bananarock:
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Chains

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2009, 06:26:07 PM »

That is the way it should be.
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rlavigna

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2009, 07:06:01 PM »

That is the way it should be.

I agree...and that is another reason why I will be moving out of NY in 2010, where it is impossible to get a carry permit. 
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skyglide

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2009, 08:01:38 PM »

Great story :jack:
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Buy early

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2009, 08:17:57 PM »

Hilarious!
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SBB

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2009, 08:22:11 PM »




Would be funny if it was true.

This pops up a couple times a year.

If it were a true story - the guy is a moron.  He broke more laws than the criminal that tried to rob him.

SBB
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moscooter

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2009, 08:28:42 PM »

I agree...and that is another reason why I will be moving out of NY in 2010, where it is impossible to get a carry permit.  
:2vrolijk_21:

Geeez,  I lived up there one time for about two years, 3 months and ten days.....It will be like a big salary increase when you leave.  Lower taxes,  lower insurance and after a few months or so,  (if you didn't have power windows),  your left arem will go back to normal size and match your right arm as you no longer will be cranking down the window multiple times per day to pay fu**ing bridge tolls. >:(
« Last Edit: December 21, 2009, 08:32:00 PM by moscooter »
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southtxcruiser

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2009, 09:59:43 PM »

really makes my day.... :2vrolijk_21:
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Diamondback

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2009, 01:20:35 AM »

 :drink: :drink:

Make my day!!!

Yeah baby!!!

 :coolblue: :coolblue:
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Cvostu

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2009, 05:38:34 AM »

Love it!  He still got off way too easily. ;D
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nidan

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2009, 02:04:50 PM »

LOVE IT!
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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2009, 02:23:17 PM »

Who'd believe this made up fantasy? Nice fantasy, however.

Ride safely,
Louis
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mrmagloo

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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2009, 03:53:10 PM »

Would be funny if it was true.

This pops up a couple times a year.

If it were a true story - the guy is a moron.  He broke more laws than the criminal that tried to rob him.
SBB
x2. He should have just shot him and avoided this happening again to the next guy.
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Re: AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2009, 06:03:48 PM »

LMAO !!! That is SOOOO Funny!!
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