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[harleydave]

Paddy Has A Broken Leg
Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick says, "How you doin?"
"Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19 year own twin daughters lying on the bed                                                                       

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."
They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?"
Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of f$%*in one?"

[harleydave]

Apple  announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can  store and play music. 
 
The  iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. 
 
This is considered  a  major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining  about men staring at their breasts and not listening to  them.

[harleydave]

A woman goes to the govmnt to register for child benefit.

'How many children?' asks the gvmnt worker

'10' replies the girl

'10???' says the gvmnt worker.. 'What are their names?'

'Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne'

'Doesn't that get confusing?'

'Naah...' says the girl 'its great because if they are out   

Playing in the street I just have to shout WAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY  or WAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do ... '

'What if you want to speak to one individually?' says the perturbed gvmnt employee.

'That's easy,' says the girl... 'I just use their surnames'

.....................................................

A woman walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.

'I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress.' she says.

'Come again?' says the clerk, cupping his ear as he was a bit deaf.

'No' she replies. This time it's mayonnaise.'

...........................................................

Woman enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says 'Choose from our range on the wall.'

She says 'I'll take the red one.'

The man replies That's a fire extinguisher.'

.......................................................
A blonde  is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site .

Medic: 'It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?'

Blonde: 'OK'

Medic: 'What's your name?'

Blonde: 'Sharon.'

Medic: 'OK Sharon, is this your car?'

Blonde : 'Yes.'

Medic: 'Where are you bleeding from?'

Sharon : New York.'

..............................................
A blonde was driving down the freeway when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the freeway. Please be careful!'

'It's not just one car!' said the blonde, There's hundreds of them!'

......................................................
Another blonde was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the blonde out of her car so she's lying flat out on the floor.

Medic: 'OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.'

Blonde : 'Ok.'

Medic: 'Ok  how many fingers am I putting up?'

Blonde : 'Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!'

[harleydave]

How to spot if theres a terrorist at the airport.

[harleydave]

"Morning Sex"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual

soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in,
almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,"
You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to
lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all;
 right there on the kitchen, table. Afterwards she said,
"Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still
around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?" She explained,
"The egg timer's broken."

[harleydave]

Go Navy

[harleydave]

It happens to all of us...     
You're driving along
just minding your own business,
when all of a sudden -
without any warning,

This Dick In A Truck

pulls out right in front of you......     
Happy Winter Driving Season!!!
Please Be Careful Out There and Stay Safe
Cause They're Everywhere!!!

[CBW]

Yeah,got some funny one's there