"The doctor removed my left ventricle and atrium," Tom said half-heartedly.
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I just watched a 3D porno. It was like the people in it were Cumming right at me.
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In order to promote safe sex, the rednecks have started painting the legs of the pigs that kick.
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I can't believe it. Me and my wife were sitting watching TV when the founder of Apple just walked into the house and took all our Mr Sheen!
f$%*ing Jobs, coming over here and stealing our polish.
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As Samson looked up into the sky and said 'Oh mighty Lord, why did you put all my strength in my hair?'
...and God replied 'Because your worth it'
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What do you call a camel with three humps ?
A veterinary cancer specialist as soon as possible.
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I hate the way that Hollywood changes everything.
For instance, "Twister" the film, was nothing like the game.
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Knock Knock.
'Who's there?'
'Mohammed'
'Fu5k off!'
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My girlfriends gag reflex when she deep throats me is fu5king sick.
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I bet Dracula does all his shopping online, just so he can keep clicking on 'Your Account'.
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My girlfriend won't suck my c6ck as she says it's unhygienic.
I've tried everything , I just can't get it into her head.
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Want to try authentic British Fish and Chips? But live in America where they sell nothing but KFCs and McDonalds, well you could get some 'french fries' and eat them out of your girlfriend.