I saw it at the Expo, in Rapid, an oh-seven
And thought, ’that’s the sweetest bike this side of heaven’
Resplendent in black ice and gleaming with chrome
I wondered ‘is this SERK the next bike I’ll take home?’
It had a new engine, should I be concerned?
It’s happened before, and people got burned
Shouldn’t be a problem, I’d finally figger
It’s still a twin cam – they just made it bigger
It arrived on the trailer, still snow on the ground
Only visions of touring and riding around
In the meantime I logged onto CVO dot com
That’s when I realized I’d just bought a bomb
The rumors were rampant, the new mill’s a turd
The dealer he shrugged, ‘don’t believe what you’ve heard’
No one was talking, even Willy G said
‘Problems? What problems, it’s all in your head’
The first rides I took soon proved it was true
The heat was oppressive, my pipes turned bright blue
It was the banging and clacking that worried me more
It sounded like pistons were swapping their bore
My neighbor just stood there, grinning and mocking
‘HOW much you pay for that bike that keeps knocking?’
It was embarrassing, drowning out the exhaust rumble
‘Just part of the character’ I’d finally mumble.
To the dealer I went, when I got the letter
They’d swap out some gaskets and make it all better
‘I’m here for the recall’ maintaining my poise
‘And while you’re at it, I still have that noise!’
This was the moment the service guys savor
‘It’s not a recall, we’re doing you a favor’
‘A performance enhancement and it’s on our dime’
I knew what that meant –‘we’ll be taking our time’
Six riding weeks went by but not in a flurry
‘Oh, I didn’t realize you were in such a hurry’
They’d freshly washed it, can’t say it weren’t clean
Still sounded like pistons hitting hammers - ball peen
So I asked my mechanic, an indie this time
‘What’ll it take to fix it, this sad Harley crime?’
He’d worked on 110s so smiled in the knowing
He rattled off items and the list just kept on going
‘A big box from Axtell is first on your list
Then pistons, and head work’, now I was pissed
‘Have to weld on that crank the Chinese did cobble
The stock one’s pure junk, all it does is wobble’
‘And while you’re in there I’d take the jump
To upgrade the lifters, the pushrods, the pump’
My mind was now reeling, fog shrouding my brain
‘Next we should talk about that iffy drive train’
‘Compensator’s weak and should be updated’
My pride and joy was beginning to be hated
‘Factory gearing is way over-tall
I can swap out the pulleys, just make the call’
‘Or Baker makes trannys with an extra cog
They’re smoother than the Cruise Drive that came in your hog’
By this time I’m delirious, only able to agree
The Motor Company callously rejected my plea
My spirit my optimism long ago crushed
He could have said the radiator had to be flushed
‘Just do it and bill me’ would’ve been my reply
I’m secretly wishing Willy G would just die
‘The starters in these bikes regularly fail
The ring gear or pinion, something’s too frail
If it goes out you'll find yourself by the road stranded’
‘Fine, sure whatever’ – also Chinese branded?
‘There can’t be any more!”, I said, ‘for heaven’s sake’
‘Uh, have you noticed any pulsing - in the front brake?
It’s kind of important, being able to stop’
So rotors from Lyndall – five hundred a pop
If I’d known in Rapid what’s plainly clear now
I’d have spit on that hog, or is it a sow?
I’d kept riding my Fatboy with stout Evo mill
Instead of this cash drain I’d just as soon kill
A quote from the company, Harley Davidson at that
Will sum up my story of this piece of shat
Fix it they won’t, on that stand they pat
The only thing they will say – They All Do That.
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Topic: They All Do That (Read 5238 times)