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[Midnight Rider]

Proctohumor
========
 
A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients
made while he was performing colonoscopies:
 
1. Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone
before.
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
3. Can you hear me NOW?
4. Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!
5. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
6. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
7. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
8. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You
do the Hokey Pokey...
9. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
10. If your hand doesn't fit, you must aquit!
11. Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
12. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?
13. Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my
head is not, in fact, up there?

[Garznhogs]

 
Wonder what lines the DOCTORS have during this procedure?

1.  Are you missing a pair of glasses?
2.  Smile!
3.  Squeal like a pig.

Garz   [smiley=smoking.gif]

[SEULTRA]

Just got back from my physical with a referral to these guys ... I'm gonna print these up and use 'em as crib notes for my conversation with the doc during those "delicate" moments   [smiley=huepfenjump3.gif]

[WFP]

I have two older sisters, twins, both doctors...both GastroEnterologists...I have actually walked away from the Dinner table at Thanksgiving because of the conversations.

Even though they barely talk to each other, at Christmas a few years ago the conversation went something to the effect:

Younger Sis (by 5 minutes): "You will never guess who I scoped (colonoscopy) last week, someone you knew, do you remember <name> "

Older Sis : " Oh, how is <name> doing?  I just scoped someone you might remember, <name>"

Keep this in mind next time you go in for your Colonoscopy...you will be a topic of dinnertable conversation!  Right SAW?

/Bill

[Midnight Rider]

    Squeal like a pig.....that's funny, I don't care who you are.  I'll pass that one on to the Gastro docs at UAB.

SEULTRA...I've had the pleasure....it's not THAT bad, but you might fly around the room backwards when you get out. [smiley=huepfenlol2.gif]  The best part is the "Happy Shot" they give you prior to...

But (no pun intended), that is an EXIT ONLY device, in my opinion....

[Fired00d]

Been there, and done that. Matter of fact I think it's time to have it done again. On a serious note speaking of colonoscopy's. Colon cancer is one of the most curable cancers that you can get if it's diagnosed in it's early stages (polyps). I had a sibling that succumbed to this, and was recommended that I get screened for these at an earlier age then normal. It is a relative simply procedure, and well worth an early diagnosis if you happen to have polyps.

It is a little demeaning to be laying on the exam table and looking over at approximately six foot (for lack of better description) "snake" w/a camera on the end that will be entering an "exit only" orifice. [smiley=nervous.gif] I normally don't like going to sleep for any procedures and like to watch (as I've done previously for surgeries on my knee's), but after getting medicated for this procedure I fell asleep (not to my liking, remember the above mentioned "snake" entering the "exit only" orifice [smiley=nervous.gif]), and was unable to watch. The only side effects/discomfort (if you can call it that) that I can remember was the fill you with air to expand your intestines, and when the procedure is done you have to expel a lot of air. My wife thought that this added to my normal activity was a little annoying, however I didn't understand her concern. I reminded her it was for "better or worse". [smiley=confused5.gif]

 [smiley=pumpkin.gif]
Ride Safe,
Fired00d
 [smiley=fireman.gif]

[EZRIDN]

I had this "procedure" done about three weeks ago.  Like Fired00d, I too slept right through it after they gave me some "good stuff".  I think its a good thing not to be aware of whats going on back there.

The one thing that I found interesting is at the gastro center where I had this done they had people lined up/staged almost like a MOCO assembly line.  I can't imagine being a doctor day in and day out having to face a bunch of *ssholes all day long!   Ewwww!

All jokes aside, it is a recommended procedure for those of age or having a family history of health issues.  Don't ignore having this done...you may get some extra riding days out of it in your lifetime.
 

[Midnight Rider]

Agreed...I had it done a few years ago too.  I have a high tolerance to those happy shots and pain meds (can't imagine why   ), so I was relaxed but awake.  It really wasn't a big deal, other than what Dood was talking about afterwards with the air comin' back out of ya.  The wife (now ex) made me go out the backyard, so I "walked it off/out", but thought I was going to fly up in the trees in the process.  The worst part of the whole damn thing was drinking that chit (no pun intended) the night before to clean you out...you better not be more than 10 ft from a bathroom!!!  Clean as a whistle though, 'cause I saw the same thing the above mentioned "snake eye" saw.  It's wise to have this done by age 50, if not sooner, because early cases can be treated very sucessfully.  

Pay attention to what comes out of you...I had a bladder tumor a little over a year ago which has been sucessfully removed (I won't EVEN go there on this thread)....the ONLY symptom I had was two TINY specks of blood clot when I whizzed one night....1 week later I had the thing removed.  There are no benign bladder tumors....

Alrighty then....now that we've all discussed our bodily functions like a bunch of old farts, we can get back to the matter at hand...funny chit        Personally, I plan on riding 'till they pry my hand off the grip... [smiley=xyxthumbs.gif]

[SEULTRA]

Thanks to all the "veterans" who have shared their "experience". Knowing what to expect helps take the edge off the uncertainty of an unexperienced procedure.
I normally fart a lot anyway so this won't be a real big change!  
Just remember .... flatulence is fun!

[EZRIDN]

[highlight]Just remember .... flatulence is fun![/[/highlight]quote]

It's all fun and games until someone farts in your helmet!  

But, that's another story....

[RJ749]

[highlight]Just remember .... flatulence is fun![/[/highlight]quote]
It's all fun and games until someone farts in your helmet!
But, that's another story....

Here's a "fluff" that was deadly.......http://www.darlugo.com/?id=473  Watch it to the end!
No pun intended...

[Midnight Rider]

SEULTRA....Bro, you ain't never passed gas like this...you better not be sittin' on anything or you'll launch!!    The upside is you won't be running anybody out of the room, 'cause there's nothing in you to smell....TMI  

I promise that's my last comment on the subject.... [smiley=huepfenlol2.gif]

[Fired00d]

I had forgotten about the "Fleet" laxative you have to take the night before. [smiley=nervous.gif] You are right, you'd better not be ten feet from bathroom after taking this stuff, because when the urge hits you, you'd better be getting.

Also you are right about the smell, but the sound.... well lets just say it could be equated to "Rolling Thunder". [smiley=huepfenlol2.gif]

 [smiley=pumpkin.gif]
Ride Safe,
Fired00d
 [smiley=fireman.gif]