MENSA INVITATIONAL
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invitedreaders to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration(n.): The act ofbuying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for anindefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's bothstupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria atgetting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money tostart with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming backto life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substancesurrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozonelayer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the nearfuture.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentationabout yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalismspray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffeeintravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degeneratedisease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, wheneverybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? Andthen, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelingevent of getting through the day consuming only things that are good foryou.
13. Glibido : All talk and noaction.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency ofstupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked througha spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan, in theform of a mosquito, gets into your bedroom at three in the morning andcannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): Thecolor you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The WashingtonPost has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in whichreaders are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whomone coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled bydiscovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up allhope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt anexplanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj.Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedlyanswering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoredmouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle thatpicks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly recedinghairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorousquestion on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignifiedbearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarianproctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles hisconversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that,after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in thefront of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
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Topic: MENSA Invitational (Read 757 times)