Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Texas Fat Boy]

FOOTBALL IS COMING!!!!!   
To celebrate the upcoming football season I give you these wise words:
 
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.

How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.

Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"

What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."
 
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.

How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.

University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.

How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

What are the longest three years of a University of Kentucky football player’s life? 
Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.

[D-N-D]

 

[ultrarider123]

In the same light.....

Two guys get on the first floor of an elevator and both are headed to the 25th floor.  An individual gets on at floor 5.  The first guy says, "How do you think Harvard will do in rowing this coming season?"  The gentleman looks puzzled and says "hopefully, my former classmates will do well and win a few" and he gets off at the 8th.
"How did you know he went to Harvard?" asks the second guy.  "Well, he was well dressed and had that air about him of a Harvard Man"
Another guy gets on at the 10th.  "Tell me", asks the first guy, "Is Southern Cal going to win them all in Football this year?".  Again, the gentleman answers "Dude, they are going all the way to the National Championship" and gets off at the 15th.
OK, I can sorta see the first one but how did you know he went to USC?" asks the second man
"Well, again it was fairly obvious.  He was well dressed but with his long, sun bleached hair and suntan along with his easy going, laid-back demeanor, it was a very good guess".
"OK", said the second guy "Where did I go to College?"
"That's an easy one.  You went to Alabama."
"How in the world did you guess that?"
"Well, ever since we got on this elevator, you've been picking your nose which made it easy to see your Alabama class ring"

[grayghost731]