Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer.
yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a frickin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
******************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody.
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they??
Santa
P.S. Are your lights on?!
*********************************
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do??
Love Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom who
rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get
you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
***************************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you
up with a Barbie.
Santa
*************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the chits and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of Bud.
Santa
*****************************
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys??
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
Thank you for asking....I appreciate your interest. All the toys are
made in China now. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my
time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
****************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.
Santa
*****************************
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging chit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
********************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live ina
low-rent mobilehome complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
Author
Topic: What would Bad Santa Say? (Read 594 times)