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Author Topic: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet  (Read 1102 times)

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Twolanerider

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Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« on: March 15, 2020, 07:27:13 PM »

I already had a chit-ton of toilet paper (there was a sale awhile back?).  To aid in preparation I did just put a 3x bigger cam in my internet connection.  Entirely online.  Didn't get any grease beneath fingernails.  Took 5 minutes.  Holy megabits Batman.  That's $10 a month I should have spent a long time ago!!  :bananarock:
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2020, 08:39:11 PM »

I already had a chit-ton of toilet paper (there was a sale awhile back?).  To aid in preparation I did just put a 3x bigger cam in my internet connection.  Entirely online.  Didn't get any grease beneath fingernails.  Took 5 minutes.  Holy megabits Batman.  That's $10 a month I should have spent a long time ago!!  :bananarock:
But you just voided your warranty by using your own router instead of the one provided by your ISP.

Sent from my boring Droid phone.

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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2020, 09:26:25 PM »

If you did not use nitrogen you could get the internet beer virus.  Nitrogen also prevents tire viruses and the heartbreak of psoriasis.
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2020, 10:32:30 PM »

Learned today there is a chain of stores called BJs 😁. 
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2020, 01:25:13 AM »

Figure by now I have pissed off a lot of people on this forum.  If I have not pissed them off yet then they must be a bunch of toilet paper hoarding Honda riders that need training wheels to keep from falling over when they take their annual 1.3 mile ride to the poser bar.

Ok. If you are pissed off at me now, please feel free to TP my house.


 ;D
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2020, 02:28:05 AM »

Figure by now I have pissed off a lot of people on this forum.  If I have not pissed them off yet


Or like they do to me they just scan past your chit.
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2020, 02:57:54 AM »



Or like they do to me they just scan past your chit.

I do that for some folks here.  Stereotyping some people saves a lot of time, and some are not worth the time it takes to read their chit. 

Speaking of chit.....

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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2020, 09:48:20 AM »

Whoa that's an unexpected conspiracy.
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2020, 11:31:48 AM »

Whoa that's an unexpected conspiracy.

Certain companies are dong very well in this shortage frenzy.  Also today Walmart was all out of wieners, a local tragedy.

Another also - If you would like to TP my house I will help.  So far my neighbor's kids refuse to TP no matter what I yell at them from my rocker on the porch. My current guess is that is what their Mom's are making for supper - TP Soup.
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2020, 11:42:29 AM »

It's a "novel coronavirus" so I've got my own novel response to the toilet paper debacle.  I'm just not going until the crisis is over.  Trump can't make me. 
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2020, 11:48:10 AM »

Eat a lot of cheese.  It is the common product that binds us all together.
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2020, 11:50:31 AM »

I sense a disturbance in the Force.  Posters are reading here but they are not posting.  Maybe check to see if you can make this a Toll Thread Don?  Charge $1 a view?  25 views & you get a free roll of TP?  :nixweiss:
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2020, 12:15:26 PM »

Even my dogs aren't using TP right now.  It's a family political statement here.  "WE'RE NOT GOING UNTIL ALL THE STUPID IS OVER!"

At least all the current stupid.  If we made it more general we'd never crap again.
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2020, 12:30:24 PM »

Poop in the shower & then stomp it down the drain...Hopefully you have a flexible shower head long enough to get the underside..

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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #14 on: March 16, 2020, 12:47:04 PM »

Poop in the shower & then stomp it down the drain...Hopefully you have a flexible shower head long enough to get the underside..


That sounds like a lot of trouble.  A lot of hassle.  It's raining here.  Probably all week.  If it gets that bad will just go outside in the stream that runs by the house.  I don't like the people that live downstream anyway.
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2020, 01:03:07 PM »


That sounds like a lot of trouble.  A lot of hassle.  It's raining here.  Probably all week.  If it gets that bad will just go outside in the stream that runs by the house.  I don't like the people that live downstream anyway.

My solution to this one: I'm hiring a kid to scoop up all the crap in my yard.  Bet he will be surprised when he finds out we do not have a dog.
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #16 on: March 16, 2020, 01:42:53 PM »

My solution to this one: I'm hiring a kid to scoop up all the crap in my yard.  Bet he will be surprised when he finds out we do not have a dog.

I'm planning to borrow your idea, but with a "slight" modification.  I've got a neighbor with dogs who rarely picks up the droppings.  I'll just throw mine over the fence.  Short of doing a DNA analysis, he won't be able to prove a thing.

Jerry
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #17 on: March 16, 2020, 01:48:05 PM »

I'm planning to borrow your idea, but with a "slight" modification.  I've got a neighbor with dogs who rarely picks up the droppings.  I'll just throw mine over the fence.  Short of doing a DNA analysis, he won't be able to prove a thing.

Jerry

 ;D
Great idea.  Used to have neighbors like that along time ago.  They would never notice a few extra dozen piles of chit in their yard, your neighbor won't either.
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #18 on: March 16, 2020, 02:04:33 PM »

.... and some people (ok, a very few) believe that old timers around here are not full of chit.
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #19 on: March 16, 2020, 04:10:47 PM »

I'm thinking your downstream from me, so I should be good. But you might not be..... :huepfenlol2:

Now whose upstream of me, hmm? :'(
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #20 on: March 16, 2020, 05:50:32 PM »

.
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #21 on: March 16, 2020, 08:12:53 PM »

Went to Wally-World this afternoon.  It's the closest pharmacy and one of the dog's seizure meds needed refilled.

The place was not overly busy but the grocery section was well picked over.  Lots of empty shelf space.  Best guess approx 50% unstocked shelf space.  That's a lot of untapped revenue space from their perspective so you know they're behind getting inventory. 

You could listen to people whining about not being able to find something or other.  But there was fresh produce, some meat, frozen and canned products to grab.  Everyone in the store could have grabbed to feed a couple for 10 days or more.  But still people were truly freaking out; and this in a town and area with no confirmed cases and the nearest identified case of the bug about a hundred miles away.

Saw a mid-twenty-something woman in tears about not finding something even though she had a large shopping cart mostly full of different foods.  The hot deli had plenty of whole chickens for less than $5, some cold fried for $4, and sundry other offerings.  Of course there was no toilet paper for sale (have no idea if there was any for use in the Wal-Mart restrooms).  All this and people were still angry, frightened, in tears, or just choosing to be less than content.

I got my prescription.  I grabbed a few groceries while I was there.  Could eat for 10 days on what I hauled out.  Spent less than a hundred bucks and I'm nibbling on some grapes right now (just a few, damned sugars).  Anyone could have done that, yet people were still angry, frightened, in tears, or just choosing to be less than content.  God what a bunch of wankers we've become.
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #22 on: March 16, 2020, 08:24:31 PM »

Was also at Walmars today.  Saw semi Twilight Zone stares, not quite zombies but it's moved in that direction.  Store was about 1/3 empty on food, lots of stockers stocking.  Got potting soil, avocados, a tomato, & chips.  Have enough potting to soil to feed a family of 4 for a week.  I'm not gonna eat it, but if there is a family of 4 out there that eats potting soil well....
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #23 on: March 16, 2020, 09:05:33 PM »

I'm planning to borrow your idea, but with a "slight" modification.  I've got a neighbor with dogs who rarely picks up the droppings.  I'll just throw mine over the fence.  Short of doing a DNA analysis, he won't be able to prove a thing.

Jerry
Damn! You're normally so serious and to the point. Gave me a good laugh there.

Sent from my boring Droid phone.

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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #24 on: March 16, 2020, 09:06:28 PM »

.
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #25 on: March 16, 2020, 10:37:03 PM »


Too bad America didn't embrace bidets like the French did.

Jerry  ;)
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #26 on: March 17, 2020, 12:29:23 AM »

I don't need toilet paper at my house any more. I hooked up a kitchen hand sprayer to each toilet, sort of a manual bidet. So now when I drop a load in the crapper I just grab the sprayer and spray away the leftover. If it wants to hang on I wipe it with a corn cob.  ::)  Note boil the corn cobs and store therm in a bucket of water, it keeps them soft.   ;D

Mike

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #27 on: March 17, 2020, 01:32:02 AM »

I found soaking the corn cobs in baby oil not only keeps them soft but leaves a moisturing layer after you use them. And the oily film also makes the next movement less messy.
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #28 on: March 17, 2020, 07:13:27 AM »

Dammit.   How come way back when we had corn cobs in the outhouse we didn't have all this good corn cob information?  We knew the black & white pages of the Sears catalog were better than the color ones (less slick) so they always went first, that is about as high tech as we got. 
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #29 on: March 17, 2020, 10:20:59 AM »

On "bad" days you can coat the corn cobs in triple antibiotic ointment to deal with the occasional "abrasions" also.  Or for a tingle just squat in saltwater. 

I like Uncle Mikey's idea of a spritzer hose though.  Use that once or twice in an effective manner and the gawdammed cat won't think it's ok to jump on  your lap while you're trying to read on the crapper anymore  :drink: !
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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #30 on: March 17, 2020, 10:22:24 AM »

BTW, still digging the bigger cam in the internet service.  The previous upload speed was terrible.  Now the posts show up even before I type them. 
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #31 on: March 17, 2020, 10:54:57 AM »

Lucky you.

In these bug infested swampy hinterlands we are still using kite string and tin cans as the delivery system for our internet.  Our local county, in it's infinite wisdom limited cable internet to only one provider back in 1824. It was a very large bribe that secured the contract and it gave them 200 years 100% exclusive rights to all high speed internet.  The county officials got paid off big time & citizens do not dare complain because of the Dungeon Clause.  The cable company used a hodge podge of old twine, baling wire, & electrical connectors that Ben Franklin had left over in his garage.  I think the brains for the entire system is a rewired accordion & a cowbell. Other internet provider companies (not the Favored One) were forced to use the telephone lines that Alexander Graham Bell personally installed in 1885 using a pair of wire cutters & a mule named Old Pokey.  We got rid of the hand crank phones a couple of years ago & Stella our operator does a great job connecting our calls unless she is napping.

Last year the county awarded an additional cable internet contract to some newfangled outfit that says they will be using high fiber metamucil brand cables.  Not sure what the bribe for that contract was, am guessing at least twice what the old bribe was.  chit gonna flow fast on those suckers we have been told. We expect that sometime in 2087 our neighborhood will receive this new service.

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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #32 on: March 17, 2020, 12:26:34 PM »

Lucky you.

In these bug infested swampy hinterlands we are still using kite string and tin cans as the delivery system for our internet.  Our local county, in it's infinite wisdom limited cable internet to only one provider back in 1824. It was a very large bribe that secured the contract and it gave them 200 years 100% exclusive rights to all high speed internet.  The county officials got paid off big time & citizens do not dare complain because of the Dungeon Clause.  The cable company used a hodge podge of old twine, baling wire, & electrical connectors that Ben Franklin had left over in his garage.  I think the brains for the entire system is a rewired accordion & a cowbell. Other internet provider companies (not the Favored One) were forced to use the telephone lines that Alexander Graham Bell personally installed in 1885 using a pair of wire cutters & a mule named Old Pokey.  We got rid of the hand crank phones a couple of years ago & Stella our operator does a great job connecting our calls unless she is napping.

Last year the county awarded an additional cable internet contract to some newfangled outfit that says they will be using high fiber metamucil brand cables.  Not sure what the bribe for that contract was, am guessing at least twice what the old bribe was.  chit gonna flow fast on those suckers we have been told. We expect that sometime in 2087 our neighborhood will receive this new service.

Couldn't help it. 


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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #33 on: March 17, 2020, 12:43:32 PM »

Couldn't help it. 




Thank you, my day is now much brighter!  :2vrolijk_21:

In all that sea of garverbage you picked out the one word that mattered.   ;D
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Phreakyz

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #34 on: March 17, 2020, 01:38:39 PM »

Couldn't help it. 

One of the greatest Skits of all time!!! ;D
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Threephase

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #35 on: March 17, 2020, 05:17:58 PM »

So with all the "social distancing" we are supposed to adhere to, how the heck am I supposed to get a haircut? I cannot wait until July or August as they say we may have to wait. It is already touching my ears! My dad would dis-own me if he saw me!
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load97

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #36 on: March 17, 2020, 10:03:50 PM »

Seriously? Do like the rest of us half bald guys. Grabs the trimmer and buzz it down yourself. Tell ya, third world problems I tell ya...
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #37 on: March 17, 2020, 10:06:36 PM »

This thread needs more cowbell.

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Twolanerider

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #38 on: March 17, 2020, 11:25:41 PM »

All threads need more cowbell.  Just sayin'.
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VaEagle

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #39 on: March 18, 2020, 12:46:50 AM »

So with all the "social distancing" we are supposed to adhere to, how the heck am I supposed to get a haircut? I cannot wait until July or August as they say we may have to wait. It is already touching my ears! My dad would dis-own me if he saw me!

You could try this.....

https://www.flowbee.com/
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #40 on: March 18, 2020, 12:47:51 AM »

What if the artist was trying to paint a brown dog with big ears and people just thought it was some guy screaming?
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rayson56

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #41 on: March 18, 2020, 11:54:41 AM »

Be Advised
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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #42 on: March 18, 2020, 01:35:25 PM »

So with all the "social distancing" we are supposed to adhere to, how the heck am I supposed to get a haircut? I cannot wait until July or August as they say we may have to wait. It is already touching my ears! My dad would dis-own me if he saw me!

Have you ever watched NCIS on TV?  If so, just take the same approach used by Gibbs.  Put a bowl on your head, then buzz off everything the bowl doesn't cover.  I believe they used to call that style "white sidewalls". :nixweiss:  I bought a small battery operated trimmer some time back for a different reason (removing body hair before going for medical testing or procedures), and I'm considering trying to trim what's left on my head with it.  If there is a God, he has a very cruel sense of humor.  As I got older the hair on my head got thinner and thinner, but the hair on the rest of my body started growing like a weed.

Jerry
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Yellow09SERG

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #43 on: March 18, 2020, 09:24:18 PM »

I work in a toilet paper plant and we know the real reason for the shortage....

When there is a group of people assembled all it takes is a sneeze or a cough and the 20 people standing around chits all over theirselves trying to get away
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iski

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #44 on: March 18, 2020, 09:46:50 PM »

Locals reacting to Official Announcements:




Locals after listening to news reports about the latest announcements:

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Indenial

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #45 on: March 20, 2020, 10:00:10 AM »


Around about Christmas, there will be a lot of babies being born
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Fired00d

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #46 on: March 20, 2020, 11:41:35 AM »

Around about Christmas, there will be a lot of babies being born
I was just telling my wife the same thing yesterday. :huepfenlol2: :huepfenlol2:

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Joel

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Re: Preparing for Coronavirus 19 -- Beer and Upgraded Internet
« Reply #47 on: March 20, 2020, 12:44:09 PM »

Next shortage will be Tequila and canned wipe cream.
But the only good thing about the canned wipe cream shortage is the bikini will get smaller.
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